Hey Kiddies… Shall we?
OLD SHOW / NEW SHOW!
Hi friends. First of all, thank you to everyone who came out to the great Butterknife-Lagoon Extravaganza 2010. We had a blast, and we hope to be rocking with Butterknife again soon!!
Butterknife’s drummer made my ears bleed.
I never thought I would ever hear anyone play the drums louder than @lagoonmarisa… Well… I think she has met her match.
- 5 hearing
Because Kieran has an amazing beard
It is amazing.
That one random thing that happened…
After the show, while Marisa and Pat were fighting with the venue trying to get paid (literally almost fighting), I decided to duck out the back and go find our gigantic red love machine. So… I go walking and I finally spot the whale of a van in the corner of a ‘pay to park’ lot. It’s dark, probably about 1am, I’m not scared or anything but I readied my ninja senses and walked briskly. I opened the door. Hopped in. Put the keys in the ignition, and simultaneously turned on the lights…
Suddenly, I notice a young man urinating on the fence directly in front of the van (ass to bumper). The burst of light and loud engine noise startled him horribly, and I could see the glisten of errant spray even through the windsheild. He quickly twisted his head left to right, trying to see whether or not he was getting attacked. In a few moments he decided to make a break for it and run partly hunched over to the edge of the fence…. Meanwhile, I just laughed hysterically.
Here are some photos…. of the show… you sicko:
Ok, looking forward:
We have some stuff in the pipe. And I’m NOT talking about the fact you, or anyone else, has to poop; Different pipe. This is the kinda pipe that music flows out of. One could argue that tooting is music, but… ok you get the point.
Lets start with the poster by @davidtornado
This is going to be a FREE social media event sponsored by www.futurem.org and before we play our set I’ll be giving a little talk. I am totally used to this kind of stuff. I typically get up and share my feelings at meetings all the time. You know… the kind of meetings for degenerate sex addicts like myself. But, to be serious (for once), this should be an awesome event. We are playing downstairs, all ages, free show. It’s going to be all about music, social media, and the progression of it all.
“Hi my name is Larry and I have a tiny…”
(remember you can download any of David’s posters in wallpaper, iphone wallpaper, and .pdf form on the homepage: www.lagoononline.com)
5 Worst State Slogans
So, a little backstory: The next day after the show David thought it would be a good idea to head on down to Newport to catch the final Polo match of the season. I decided to tag along, and it turned out to be a glorious afternoon (pictures after this section). So, it might seem totally unrelated to the headline, but upon crossing state lines into “The Ocean state” I became curious… curious about states… So, on a whim I pulled up some information on my sweetass new smarthphone and… lets just say I was amazed.
Slogan: “This is still the right place.”
Religious jokes aside, Utah is still the right place for what? The right place to live? The right place to visit? The right place to tickle? Something is not just intrinsically right. Ugh. It’s almost as bad as what they have on their license plates: “Life Elevated.” Is that a pun or did my brain just die.
#4 Rhode Island
Slogan: “We’re not really an Island.”
It’s sad that I’m not kidding.
#3 New York
Slogan: “I love New York”
That’s great, what about the rest of us. Doesn’t this seem a little pretentious? I suggest you change it to “You know, you might love New York too if we weren’t so loud.”
Slogan: “Oklahom is OK”
Oh I get. It’s funny because it’s true! Hahaha. You know, that’s so funny.
Slogan: “It’s Wide Open.”
It sure is. It sure is.
Slogan: “It’s like a Whole Other Country”
My Version: “It Should be a Whole Other Country.”
Slogan: “You’ve got a friend in Pennsylvania”
I fucking doubt it.
And now some polo match photos:
NO OFFENSE LARRY
A final, but potent quote:
Me: I guess money cant buy you love?
Tristan: maybe he didn’t have enough
I was going to organize this blog entry into something fun like “5 great things that fluff pillows,” or “25 ways to cook with nail clippings.” However, in the usual fashion I just started writing… What popped out looked like a hot mess rather than an organized hot mess(?).
DON’T YOU DARE DO IT EARL
Listen to me Earl, LISTEN TO ME EARL, I have tickets to just ONE Red Sox game and you’re going to piss all over it. Just go out into the ocean and leave Massachusetts alone. You can slam the fuck into Nova Scotia all you want. JUST LEAVE BOSTON ALONE ON SEPTEMBER 3RD.
Awesome Bible Passages and their 2010 Editions
II Kings 2:23-24
“From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. “Go on up, you baldhead!” they said. “Go on up, you baldhead!” He turned around, looked at them, and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled the forty-two youths.“
Ok. Biblical times were awesome. Can you imagine how cool it would be to watch two bears maul 42 people? That would make the most amazing episode of “When Animals Attack.” Also, “youth” is a very vague term. Are we talking 5 year olds? Cause that’s not cool. If it’s like 14-20, I’m ok with a bear mauling at that age. Especially since 30 was considered old age. So lets rehash:
<5- Not cool for bear mauling
5-14 Avoid bear mauling whenever possible
14-20 Prime bear mauling age
20-30 You could probably do the mauling yourself, but bear involvement is fine
30+ Let nature maul them
“Elishizzle headed to Bethel. Some gangster kids from the town said “Hey Baldy, Go on up!” “No seriously, Go on up!” He turned around, looked at them, flicked them off and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two endangered bears came out of the woods and mauled the forty-two youths.”
Lesson to be learned: Do not F with the Lord or bears will EAT YOU. Also, being bald is ok, you can command wildlife.
“He said to Jacob, ‘Let me eat some of that red stuff, because I’m exhausted’”
My name is Jacob and that red stuff is awesome. It is really good with green drink.
‘He said to Jacob, ‘Dude, do you have a 5-hour energy, because I’m having that 2:30 feeling’“
Lesson to be learned: Red stuff rules and it makes you un-tired and junk.
“A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind, or trying to hold something with greased hands.”
I wonder what else he’s holding with greased hands (Yuck Yuck). Actually, they had grease back then? Not WD-40, but wow… Grease! I bet that was a new invention. “Dude the lord talks about grease!”
“A bitchy wife is as annoying as meaningless facebook updates. Stopping her complaints is like trying to turn off the internet, or trying to hold something with WD-40’ed hands.”
Lesson to be learned: Don’t marry?
“Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emissions were like that of horses.”
Best… Book… Ever… Who says emissions? Ahahahhaah. Sounds like I need to get my car checked. Some of these terms need to come back, seriously.
“She became hot as she remembered how she used to be an interracial porn star. They had big junk, and could pressure wash her driveway”
Lesson to be learned: Egyptians have huge… uhh… Pyramids.
And Now Some Boston Pictures
(P.S. these were taken on my phone (HTC droid incredible) using the free app Fx Camera… Get it)