Lagoon Update: The Taco Bell Formula, Mini-news, Featured Model Bret Ford

18
Feb
0

Well hello sexy sexy people. Hopefully you are still digesting our recent new releases. So far we have gotten great feedback on both the new song, and the new video. Except for Gargamel, who exclaimed he would rather “eat a smurf.” Oh well, cant win them all.

Oh ya… SHOW TOMORROW (Friday, 19th 2010) at Cantab Lounge. I think my liver is ready. I think my liver is ready. I think my liver is ready… More info on the facebook

Also, David has been feeling lonely on his twitter, so add him please @davidtornado. He loves everyone all the time.

Ok, lets rock and roll.

Taco Bell Formula

LAGOON

(Yes, because adding ANOTHER MEAL is what America needs right now)

I am sure that everyone realizes Taco Bell is doing little more than rearranging about 6 ingredients into “new” formations and feeding it back to the general public. Its odd to think that this works but it does (what could be wrong with meat, beans, tortillas salt and cheese?). This is not exactly a pioneering feat. In fact, there are several other, well, systems, which employ what I would like to call the “Taco Bell Formula

#4 Cell Phones and Personal Computers

LAGOON

Don’t get me wrong, the Iphone is arguably the best phone-taco out there, but soon (very soon) there will be an innumerable amount of comparable beef and beans available on the market. All you need is a healthy mix of megapixels, touch screens, wifi, 3g, Internet browsing, applications, and you got yourself a Taco Bell Formula.

This sounds a lot like what happened with PC computers.  Sure there are gaming tacos and business tacos. There are net-tacos and sleek tacos. But, like the Gordita- that spongy beautiful creation- computers are the same taco filling just in a fancy shell. OH, but our beef is a LITTLE better this year. OH, our cheese is sooooo much smoother. OH, Our beans will serve YOUR specific purpose. Oh… wait… I’m still eating a taco.

#3 Social Networking

LAGOON

Facebook, Taco. LinkedIn, Taco. Myspace, gross ass Taco. Twitter, well.. A smaller portion Taco without meat, but still a taco. There are a few features you need to connect humans together in an online medium: status updates, biographies, profile pictures, friending mechanism, and search function. THAT’S IT. I want to know if the domain pooptacofriends.com is taken. If not, I hope you will all join me on pooptacofriends where we can share our steamy piles of refried beans together.

(It’s almost sad. I have only gotten through two taco bell formulas and I am already re-using ingredients in my analogies. OH WAIT, that’s the point).

#2 Politics

LAGOON

This has Taco written all over it. You have heard the same political catch phrases your entire life. You have heard the same political promises your entire life, not very mavericky is it?

Big government or little government?
Taxes or no taxes?
Death penalty or not death penalty?
Abortion or no abortion?
Guns or no guns?
Gays or no gays (marriage)?
Religion or no religion?
More military, less military?

How would you like your taco? Step forward to the next window to vote.

Sounds like a combination of meat and cheese to me; outmoded ideas, in a progressive time. Forgive my mini-rant, but It seems we are only presented with the choice of super mild or and super spicy sauce. Chances are 90% of us prefer something in the medium range.

#1 Every Song on the Radio

Most modern pop music is a simple combination of 4 chords, or beans, or poop… Popularly known as the “Axis of awesome.” This is most easily shown to you by… well… this video… (for people viewing this on Facebooktaco.com you’ll have to click the link. Sorry)

Pretty amazing. Do you find it unnerving that you have been spoon-fed formulaic music the same as you have been, well, “tortilla” fed Taco Bell? Scary. This goes without saying that I really love some of these songs. It’s just a sad realization that they are practically the same.

Some months ago, I spent about an hour on the phone with a AR guy at a record company.  He was familiar with our music, and had listened to our stuff online. His only criticism was that we were not employing the Taco Bell Formula.

“Some of your songs are almost 6 minutes! The names of your songs are too weird. Some of the arrangements are a bit strange”

His advice was to completely re-tool our formula, Taco-it up a little…Uh… No thanks?  We like naming our songs weird things (the next single will be called ”Pansy baby farts”).

As a band, we have always simply played what we hear in our mind, and in our heart. We have no “agenda” in mind. We are not, in anyway, making songs from a recipe with beans and cheese. So, here’s a promise, we will never be another Taco.  Suck it pop music.  Anyway, you guys seem to like it just fine.

Lagoon Featured Model: Bret Ford

Welcome to this weeks Lagoon Featured Taco, err.. I mean Model section. Actually, I’m quite kidding because Bret is far from a taco. These were some of the best pictures from the shoot. Clearly this first one is my favorite, the guy looks like Zeus. Strike that man down.

LAGOON

LAGOON

You can find more pictures on our facebook

We are going to keep a collection of ALL the tacos there for your enjoyment; for everyone’s enjoyment.

We will be featuring one taco per week until we run out of tacos… or beans.

All jokes aside, Thank you so much Bret for doing this. Your photos were awesome.

Thanks again to Vanessa Athens @VanessaAthens for putting this together, and to Hansel Tsai for your photography skills.

Check our storefor frequently updated merchandise, and if you want the SEAFOAM shirt (a Jessica “ Rad Taco” Frease design) you can get them from Café Press here: Cafe Press

Lagoon, not a taco, since 2003.

Wait… so you just incase you haven’t had enough Lagoon ranting or blatant taco jokes here is all the varieties you can shake your stick at, err… shake “a” stick at. STOP SHAKING YOUR STICK.

(No tacos were hurt in the making of this blog, but they were referenced over 45 times…. And right now, @lagoonmarisa is counting to make sure that is an accurate statement…. just in case… taco taco taco taco taco)

www.lagoononline.com

www.twitter.com/lagoonband

www.facebook.com/lagoonband

www.myspace.com/lagoonaz

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Lagoon Update: Tickles and Peanuts, 12for12k

28
Sep
2

(for all the free lagoon tunes you can possibly digest and not get sick on: www.lagoononline.com)

12for12k

Before I get down to the normal band news I want to take a moment bring everyone’s attention to a great cause.

Tomorrow, September 29th is going to be an ALL DAY tweet-a-thon to raise money for the charity Doctors Without Borders starting at 12am: http://12for12k.org/events/

@HennArtOnline will be tweeting for 24 hours straight to try to raise $12,000. You should definitely add her, and help spread the word! Also, check out the page and see what you can do to help and possibly be a part of a Guiness Book Record!

(A very special congrats to @mickeyGomez and @ramartijr for bringing this is our attention and helping make this work!)

As you know, Lagoon is dedicated to bringing love and attention to the right causes. Take a moment and see what you can do.

http://12for12k.org/events/

BAND NEWS

So, lots of stuff ON THE MOVE already. Our 4th song is currently in LA being mixed, our 5th song is almost done. We are planning to get a single released very soon, and we are all extremely excited about how it is turning out.

Also, my good friend Jeff will be headed out to Boston in early October to help finalize some stuff regarding our recordings. We will have much more news coming out quickly regarding the Tucson Arizona show on Saturday October 24th. Be excited.

To tide you over, here is a cool picture of @lagoonpmac
http://12for12k.org/events/

Tickles and Peanuts

Say hello to my 16 year old self:

 Man, look at that shirt

I figured for today’s Lagoon Update I would treat everyone to a little bit of my horrible past with women. I have not always been the ladies man I am today (HA HA). Lets go back… way back… all the way to 1999 in a Subway Sandwich shop.

(At this point, please imagine a Wayne’s World type flashback, complete with cool hand dancing, wavy lines ands whimsical music).

         “Extra Tomatoes please,” I said as her fingers loosely separate the juicy slices. She took such care in removing the ones with green spots. “Is that all,” She said with a smile. “Yes, that’s perfect.” Everyday, I would drive an extra 10 miles and wait 10 minutes in line just so I could have one or two lines of meaningless dialogue with this girl. She was my Subway obsession.
            One day in the spring of 1999, or in Arizona we like to call it February, I arrived early to find that no one was making sandwiches. Actually, it looked like no one was working. I wandered around awkwardly for a few minutes before I finally looked around the corner and said, “hello?” I heard a rustling from the kitchen, then a loud bang followed by an intense yelp.
            “Are you ok?” I said leaning over the glass. For a few moments there was no response. Weird noises continued until finally my lady’s head popped around the corner. “ I’m fine. I am just the only one here… And the lettuce… The lettuce is everywhere. Would you mind just coming back in a few minutes?” I paused for a second and sucked up every bit of 16-year-old balls I had and said, “Well, how about I help you?”
          Before she could respond I had grabbed the broom from the corner, and whisked back into kitchen where it looked like 50 heads of lettuce had just thrown up. I started on the floor, and she focused on counters. We worked so frantically that we didn’t even talk, and magically, fatefully, not a soul walked in the front door.
            When we got done I said, “Well miss, I will take a sandwich please, with…” “Extra tomatoes,” she said finishing my sentence. I started to say something, but stopped mid-sentence letting out an awkward squeak instead of words. I again watched her meticulously build my sandwich, as at least 8 people walked in the door and piled up behind me. She bagged my sandwich, rang me up, and before I could even say goodbye she motioned to the next guy in line and said, “What can I get for you?”
              I was so dejected. My golden opportunity lost. My one moment of chivalry wasted. Then I realized I had forgotten to buy a soda! I got back in line. I waited 10 more minutes, got a soda, opened my mouth and…. “Ok who’s next,” she said, cutting me off. “Fuck!” I thought to myself. Maybe it was my new found level of testosterone, or my lack of caffeine, but I then just blurted out, “Lets go out sometime.” There was a very long and unnerving pause by everyone in line. “I mean… You know… How about I just get your number?” I said playing it off. The girl looked at me, smiled, and wrote her number on the back of my receipt.
              I remember thinking “Stephanie, what a great name,” but I don’t remember leaving the store (it is my belief that I literally floated to my car). I called her that night and we had a long and wonderful conversation. We even set up a date for Saturday. We were going to meet for a day of fun at CrackerJacks, the local putt-putt golf and arcade.
            By the time Saturday rolled around I knew exactly what I was going to wear, what I was going to say, and how I was going to act. I had it planned down to the very moment that I would move in to kiss her. We would embrace in passion, our lives intertwined as one person. I knew in my heart that I could love this girl forever.
           We played Putt-Putt, and went to the batting cages. We even got some ice cream and sat on a cement block outside. We talked about life, school, which classes we loved, and what things we hated. The only hiccup occurred when we started playing in the arcade. In a moment of passion I smacked her in the face with one of those mallets used to bang moles. “Are you ok?!?” “I am fine,” she said laughing and holding her face. I touched the small of her back and moved forward to see if she was bleeding. At that moment she squirmed violently and said, “I am sooooo ticklish.”
            By this time it was after 4pm and my heart sank as I saw the silhouette of her mom’s car pull in front of the large clear entrance doors. The carriage to take my slipper-less princess away had arrived. My moment was now or never. We both stood up, and hand-in-hand we strolled slowly through the crowds of people bustling in. About 10 yards from the door I said something sarcastic. Stephanie turned and gave me a light punch on the arm. Out of instinct, I went for a tickle… And I was about to learn how ticklish some people really are.
           The moment my fingers touched the side of Stephanie her entire body flexed. Every one of her muscles convulsed, her arms pushed inwards, and her knees bent. What I did not realize would happen, but what was the result of my tickle, was the loudest and most disgusting fart I have ever heard in my life. The sheer volume of it baffles me to this day. It must have been stored at incredible pressures in her gut. It came out in three or four waves of rushing air, as I believe the embarrassment of the first one just made every thing even tenser.
          People stopped dead in their tracks to see what was going on. At this moment, as horrible as it sounds, I was laughing hysterically. With My eyes watering, I could barely stand. The smell was awful. It was like a mix between roasted peanuts and rotten baby food. The whole gaseous event lasted at least 10 seconds, as waves of the tremors from the initial quake rippled through the crowds of now laughing people.
         The last I ever saw of Stephanie was her running through the large glass doors out towards her mom’s car. I tried calling a few times to no avail. All I will ever have is my memories, my memories of the smallest girl with the loudest… uh… laugh?

Don’t forget to come visit us on facebook: www.facebook.com/lagoonband

If you like our band, and you like what we do, all we ask is that you talk about us. Come say hi, download our tunes, tell a friend. That’s all it takes =)

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Lagoon Update: First song to LA, Birth Control?

30
Jul
1

A Milestone has been reached

So, yesterday we sent our first completed and arranged song to LA to be mixed. The track name is “protocol,” and for those of you who have been to our live performances will know that this is one of my favorite songs (I tend to jump around a lot). Ok… Lagoon is cruising. It is amazing how much more you can accomplish when you focus on one thing and don’t have to deal with all the crapola that is associated with playing shows. Don’t get me wrong, playing shows is what I live for, it is like a drug; the only drug I know of where they pay you to take it. Also, we’ll be playing shows again starting in September. Don’t cry. It’ll be ok. And if you do cry, save your tears because I LOVE bathing in tears, and rubbing sadness in every pore of my body until I burst.

LAGOON

Ok, on to the shenanigans

PLAN B

I have no idea how this came up in casual conversation, but I still find it amazing that one popular brand of morning after pill is called “Plan B.” I have only had to use this on one occasion (Actually the girl used it. If I did I would probably look different. MAN BOOBS). However, it occurred to me that the name is really horrible. The morning after pill is only Plan B? I figured it would be farther down the line of preemptive maneuvers:

Ok, for example:

Plan A- Abstinence


If you don’t have sex you wont have a baby, this is 100% effective

Humpy no humpy

 

Plan B- Condoms
Cheap, effective, smell awful

Latex smells rancid!

Plan C- Use Birth Control

Get tested for STDS, get on birth control, and screw like rabbits… ahhhh
(Fact: Actually, the morning after pill is the same hormones as birth control just in higher dosage.)

Pushy Pushy

Pland D- Diaphragms


I don’t know how these work. I only know they look like gnome hats

GNOMES!!!!!!

Plan E- The Pull Out Method

I personally cant do this, I struggle.

PULL OUT QUICK

Plan F- Pray


I have heard if you pray for a baby to go away it will

Dear lord de-fetus me

 

Plan G- Morning after pill

Realistically, the morning after pill should be further down the list. Not only is it embarrassing to buy, it also makes the person who takes it pretty sick… like vomitty sick. I have decided that I will write a letter to the makes of Plan B. It will include the previous plans, but also will expand further in more detail:

Plan H- Keep the child put it up for adoption

I am sure someone would love a child from my glorious genetics

I love you billy!!!!!!

Plan I- Keep the child, gain custody, raise it

Take the toothless prostitute mother to court after you plant drugs on her (if she is already addicted to drugs that makes this easier)

Your mother was a whore billy!

Plan J- Get the child aborted at a reputable clinic

 Many doctors will do this for you, if that is what you choose

Plan K- Coat Hanger

No doctor will do this for you unless you are in Tijuana

for clothes only

Plan L – Sell the child on the black market

If the child is a boy you can demand a premiun in Asian markets

Helicopter lift off!!

Plan M- Sell the Child’s body parts

lol.

oooo, ground human meat!

(Please note that plans H through M, as well as some earlier are jokes, I don’t want to step on at TOES here, or any babies for that matter. Ahahahahahahaah)

Until Next Time

I know that Dave is finishing up a blog pretty soon about trip to vermont and our awesome fourth of July. If any of you guys have any questions, suggestions, or just want to shoot the shit, feel free to drop me a line either on twitter or Facebook. Oh ya! we got our new facebook URL too: www.facebook.com/lagoonband (creative right?)

 I cant tell you guys how excited we all are about the new album! booya!

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