A 24 hour dream – Halloween in Los Angeles


A tale.


A dream?



































Thank you to East West Studio Lagoon Loves you




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Lagoon Update: Stay Classy, Progress, Tattoo Defined


Progress report

Don’t show this to your mother

As of now, we have 2 songs being mixed and another that is almost ready to go to LA.  Pretty crazy.  Getting excited…. SO EXCITED!  To be honest, I can’t wait to start playing shows again. Until then, I’ll have to noodle on my bass for hours in solitude in preparation for recording. Also, any of you who want a more “intimate” lagoon experience (*wink wink*), join us on facebook: www.facebook.com/lagoonband Also, check out our homepage for free downloads and all kinds of love: www.lagoononline.com

 Ok. On to the total nonsense.


Enter the Skank Flank

I don’t remember how long ago that the notorious “Tramp Stamp” was all the rage. I am not going to lie, at first it was attractive, kind of like a brand that showed you which cows were ready to give milk.

Flowers Mask Poop

The Tramp stamp has since died off, but alas, now arises the SKANK FLANK!



I have to admit I did not coin this term, actually the tattoo artist that I use, Andrew ( from Fat Rams Pumpkin Tattoo in Jamaica plain who is awesome) was the first to mention it to me. He also told me that the number of women inkin’ their flanks has increased dramatically in the last couple years. In an attempt to tell the future, I want to try to predict what will come next after the skank flank:

Prostitute Face
Slime Thigh
Classless Ass
Hooker Handles
Nympho Nether-ink
Loose Lips
Working Girl Wobble

And my favorite

The Slut Butt

What will they think of next, sheeesh.


“Classy” The most abused word of 2009

At a bar on Saturday night I was nursing a whiskey on the rocks and slipping into space. The front door was cattycorner to where I was sitting, and I happened to spot an interesting woman walk in. She was drunk and struggling to pull her reflective tube top  over her bust, as she motioned for a bartender. The excited fellow next her to offered to buy her a drink:

“I’ll get something for ya if you want”


“What do you want? I’m having a Bud Light, want one”

In an extremely snide tone, the lady turned to the man, picking glumps of mascara off her eyelashes and said,

“Who do you think I am, I am a classy lady”

She proceeded to make this poor sap buy her a Heineken, which we all know is the classiest of beers. Then without even thanking him, she just walked off into the crowd. As I witnessed this, I realized that “classy” is the most grossly misused word uttered by women today.

Lets review a bit. What does classy mean? Well, by definition it means: having or reflecting high standards of personal behavior, admirably skillful and graceful. Possessing elegance, the attribute of being tastefully designed, decorated and maintaining refined grace and dignified propriety. But aside from the formal definition of classy, there is also a certain… well… “Je ne sais quoi” that goes with it. Every man will agree with this.

Herein lies a bit of information that every person should understand:


I put “classy” into a category of self-depreciating words, whereas the more they are mentioned the less effective they become.

Here are a few more examples:

1.  If you have to tell someone you’re famous, you are not famous.
2. If you tell someone you are modest or humble, you clearly are not.
3.  If you have to tell someone you’re powerful, you can suck it.

Why don’t these statements work? It is because the condition of being “Classy” or “Modest” requires action not a statement. In fact, the statement itself is detriment to the condition since it goes without saying! Take for example “respect.” One cannot ask someone to respect them. It is earned. Ergo, actions rather than statements are required, same with class.

Most people say, “I am classy” because they truly want to be, fail to understand how, and proclaim that they are. It’s a way of self-reassuring. I have even seen complete abominations of this word used in oxymoronic statements such as “Classy Bitch.” Uh, ok… That’s like an “Upstanding Murderer,” or a “Moral Prostitute.”

I would even venture as far to say that stating

“I am not classy”

is more effective than

“I am classy”

At least the first leaves a shred of room for sarcasm.

Stay Classy America.


A Tattoo Meaning in depth: Heaven And Earth

It took me 25 years of my life until I got my first tattoo. For the last 5 years or so I have wanted one, but I had not felt it was “right.” I felt like it was one of those things you cannot rush, and if you do you’ll regret it.

David (@davidtornado) was kind enough to lend his keen eye and amazing graphic design ability to create something splendid for me. I wanted to make sure that it stood for something, and wasn’t just an arbitrary symbol on my arm.

So here are some stages:

Here is David’s original design


First, this is just the black outline; I posted this on twitter a little while ago:


And here is the finished, filled in product:


But Jacob, what does it all MEAN!?

The overall design is a caduceus, the staff of mercury and the common symbol for medicine in North America. This is directly related to my parents. My dad’s a Doctor, their family business is a Medical Center in Arizona, and I grew up around medicine. Health, well-being and medicine are extremely large portions of my young life, and my current life.

There is also another meaning behind the staff. I am also somewhat of an astrology buff, and my ruling planet is mercury. My sister’s ruling planet, and my mom’s ruling planet are also Mercury.

The deepest meaning behind the design pertains to my belief system about G-d, heaven, and life in general. I have always believed the religion is simply the medium by which one communicates to G-d (or supernatural or whatever you want to call it). The placement of the Star of David at the top of the staff represents how I translate earthly activity (The snakes) up into heaven or the supernatural (the wings). The Star of David at the top could be replaced by anything, be it a cross, or any religious symbol.

For me, the Star of David symbol is also not just an arbitrary choice. Not only is Judaism how I was raised, the symbol also represents the balance between the earthly and the divine.

More Random Facts:

The bass clef on the bottom represents my love for music… and bass playing.
The Caduceus was originally born by Iris, the Messenger of the G-ds who linked the Earth with Heaven. (Furthering the basic metaphor of the tattoo)
Iris is my mom’s favorite flower, and believed to be the G-d of creativity

Snakes are a Libran symbol, my Sun sign is Libra.
Six is the lucky number of Libra, hence the six pointed star, six dots around them, and six curves of the snakes.
Six represents family and symbolizes the home, parents, healers and counselors. It is representative of domestic bliss, responsibility, compassion, marriage and devotion. Six is also associated with fraternity and brotherhood…or sorority and sisterhood. It is the common bond of closeness between people, representing love, nurturing, harmony and justice.
In biblical numerology, six is the Number of Man. Man was created on the sixth day and labors for six days only. The Serpent was also created on the sixth day.
(And no, I do not believe in 666, I am Jewish, there is no devil you crazy bastards =P)

Mercury is the ruling planet of Virgo, my sister’s and mother’s Sun sign
(For those other astrology buffs I am a Virgo Rising and Virgo Moon Sign. Also, Mercury is the ruling planet of Gemini, which is my North Node)

I think that’s it… phew.

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Lagoon Update: First song to LA, Birth Control?


A Milestone has been reached

So, yesterday we sent our first completed and arranged song to LA to be mixed. The track name is “protocol,” and for those of you who have been to our live performances will know that this is one of my favorite songs (I tend to jump around a lot). Ok… Lagoon is cruising. It is amazing how much more you can accomplish when you focus on one thing and don’t have to deal with all the crapola that is associated with playing shows. Don’t get me wrong, playing shows is what I live for, it is like a drug; the only drug I know of where they pay you to take it. Also, we’ll be playing shows again starting in September. Don’t cry. It’ll be ok. And if you do cry, save your tears because I LOVE bathing in tears, and rubbing sadness in every pore of my body until I burst.


Ok, on to the shenanigans


I have no idea how this came up in casual conversation, but I still find it amazing that one popular brand of morning after pill is called “Plan B.” I have only had to use this on one occasion (Actually the girl used it. If I did I would probably look different. MAN BOOBS). However, it occurred to me that the name is really horrible. The morning after pill is only Plan B? I figured it would be farther down the line of preemptive maneuvers:

Ok, for example:

Plan A- Abstinence

If you don’t have sex you wont have a baby, this is 100% effective

Humpy no humpy


Plan B- Condoms
Cheap, effective, smell awful

Latex smells rancid!

Plan C- Use Birth Control

Get tested for STDS, get on birth control, and screw like rabbits… ahhhh
(Fact: Actually, the morning after pill is the same hormones as birth control just in higher dosage.)

Pushy Pushy

Pland D- Diaphragms

I don’t know how these work. I only know they look like gnome hats


Plan E- The Pull Out Method

I personally cant do this, I struggle.


Plan F- Pray

I have heard if you pray for a baby to go away it will

Dear lord de-fetus me


Plan G- Morning after pill

Realistically, the morning after pill should be further down the list. Not only is it embarrassing to buy, it also makes the person who takes it pretty sick… like vomitty sick. I have decided that I will write a letter to the makes of Plan B. It will include the previous plans, but also will expand further in more detail:

Plan H- Keep the child put it up for adoption

I am sure someone would love a child from my glorious genetics

I love you billy!!!!!!

Plan I- Keep the child, gain custody, raise it

Take the toothless prostitute mother to court after you plant drugs on her (if she is already addicted to drugs that makes this easier)

Your mother was a whore billy!

Plan J- Get the child aborted at a reputable clinic

 Many doctors will do this for you, if that is what you choose

Plan K- Coat Hanger

No doctor will do this for you unless you are in Tijuana

for clothes only

Plan L – Sell the child on the black market

If the child is a boy you can demand a premiun in Asian markets

Helicopter lift off!!

Plan M- Sell the Child’s body parts


oooo, ground human meat!

(Please note that plans H through M, as well as some earlier are jokes, I don’t want to step on at TOES here, or any babies for that matter. Ahahahahahahaah)

Until Next Time

I know that Dave is finishing up a blog pretty soon about trip to vermont and our awesome fourth of July. If any of you guys have any questions, suggestions, or just want to shoot the shit, feel free to drop me a line either on twitter or Facebook. Oh ya! we got our new facebook URL too: www.facebook.com/lagoonband (creative right?)

 I cant tell you guys how excited we all are about the new album! booya!

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