So, I know it’s been a while- some might say a long time. And it’s true… Sorry.
So what’s been going on?
We had a couple of shows… and if you missed it too bad… AHAHAH. It was great to play at the Middle East and the Cantab again.
On a completely unrelated side note:
My mom called me the other day (she does this frequently) and she asked how the show at the Cantab went. I said it went fine, Marisa (our drummer, nurrrr) played really well, we had a lot of fun, yada yada yada – essentially the exact same conversation I’ve had with my mom about every concert I’ve ever played.
Except… One thing… my mom made a comment about the name “ohhhh, Cantab that’s so clever.” I just nervously responded… Oh ya.. it’s so clever… At the time I had NO IDEA what she was talking about, or what the name Cantab could possibly be about.
Nope… not Can’t Ab.
OH I’m RETARDED CAN TAB.
Ok, Really. So what’s been going on?
You might wonder why we have been so quiet? It’s not really anything fun like Pat got cancer and died. It’s more regular run-of-the-mill stuff like pat ran away to Taiwan, or Tahiti, or Thailand (it’s something that starts with a T).
I wish I was joking, but he’s gone.
We considered calling the police until we saw he was still updating his facebook with pictures:
Then we realized that everything is normal, and that’s just Pat being Pat.
So, we have decided to take some time off- You know Lagoon, we never take time off *cough*- Until pat comes back. We THINK he’ll be popping through our door in a couple of weeks.
Then we are going to gear right up with another online concert! YAY INTERNETS!
Check this Ish Out!
Our friend and all around Stud , Gustave Cadet, set up a really awesome site featuring some amazing artists in all forms- an aggregate collection of interesting works.
I recommend you check it out. Now. No seriously. Right now. It’s a great way to lose some time!
If you don’t, you’re just another ne’er-do-well
SOME OF YOU MIGHT WONDER
What I have been concerning myself with over these last couple months – so here you go – all compiled in a neat little list.
1. I am ecstatic that the Cardinals finally got a QB that isn’t Matt Leinhart. I might actually consider picking up Fitzy on my fantasy team. YES FANTASY IS CLOSE.
2. I just noticed that they finally raised the debt ceiling – politics aside – WHAT THE FUCK TOOK YOU SO LONG
3. I read somewhere that they have been making headway in the treatment of Down ’s syndrome. That’s right, the TREATMENT. I thought that was amazing, and proof we are almost exactly like mice.
4. 3 of my orchids are blooming, and I couldn’t be happier. I would have made this #3 but seeing 3. 3 next to each other was really confusing, and I hate typing out the world three. DAMINT. DAAA MINT.
5. I just heard that Red Wine can prevent sunburn… This is not a joke, and explains why my girlfriend heals so quickly from being a lobster.
6. Marisa and I won the B league softball Bronze level championship. I have the mug to prove it.
7. From what I can gather, David is still president and CEO of awesome- but polls show that Ron Perlman is gaining steadily in popularity.
8. Pat really is not in the US, while he is gone I’ve been storing cat feces in his room and the smell has actually IMPROVED.
9. I’ve been collecting cat feces.
Damn It Cohagen
A new approach
Hi friends, it’s good to see you. Happy they finally let you out.
Time to make love to the Internet
No, I did not say “ON” the internet, so your hopes of seeing some sort of Lagoon incestual dance is not going to happen. And seriously, get checked out. You’re sick.
We have decided that we are going to start streaming live concerts from our Studio in Boston MA (want to know more about the studio? Go here )
WHY you might ask? A few reasons…
1. Because we can- the technology is there, and we found a way to get GREAT live sound (it’s a secret) – Also Ustream allows us to do this for free with multiple camera angles.
2. Everyone can join us – literally everyone
3. We hope to expand this show to more acts, have other local artists
Pretty cool eh?
Let’s go over some details.
This show is going to be Friday May 27th at 9pm EST broadcasting LIVE from Lagoon’s Tornado Shelter in Boston MA on our Ustream Site (There’s not much up there now except a test – and someone was a little out of tune)
We will also probably be drinking… Wait… Not probably… We will also be drinking, so this is going to be an overall fun time.
I’ll update you all closer to the show, and David is going to be designing a stellar poster.
Time to make love to the Middle East
Not sure how you want to interpret that headline, but… The Middle East is an awesome club in Cambridge. We love playing there.
We figured since we’re doing an internet show we should ALSO do a live show. We don’t want you to think we are going soft.
Here are some tentative details (the date is set in stone):
Where: The Middle East in Cambridge
When: Thursday June 30th
Why: Because it’s been too damn long.
This will be our first concert since our 3rd album released…. Wait… You did know our third album came out right? Well if you didn’t, please go buy it. I am not going to fluff around, it’s the only reason why we exist on this earth (link/picture goes to itunes, but it’s on every other site imaginable just search Lagoon Gemini).
We hope to see you there, and… Again… We’ll update you with the full list of bands, and a sweet ass poster soon.
Why do some states hate us?
We, as a band, love to track our site statistics. We have had enormous success with our homepage in hits, downloads (our first two albums and previews of our third are free), and even the blog… this blog… the exact same one you are reading.
However, recently we have noticed a disturbing trend.
Certain states just don’t like our website ( I had to reference a map since I’m Stoopid):
Some of these states I can fully understand- like Delaware which is not really a state
Also Kansas – cows can’t type- Arkansas for the same reason.
The one that really bothers me… Nevada!? Really? C’mon… We’ve played shows there; we’ve gambled and hooked there. Just bothers me.
Half of Indonesia has clicked on our website, but we can’t even get all of America. I feel like a failure. Know of anyone who lives in these crapholes? Get them to click on our site, and I wont call their home a craphole.
Old Picture – New Fun
My sister, Marisa (the damn drummer in this band), went back to our hometown last week and scanned a whole bunch of old photos. Nothing good can come of this.
Let me present to you my ~10 year old self:
Maybe it’s just me… But I did not reminisce when I saw this. I did not question where I was, or who took the picture. I did not even comment on my impressive watch…
The only think I could think of was….
The internet has changed me.
For those of you who don’t know, and if you don’t know this shit by now it’s really a shame, @Davidtornado our lead singer is also the mastermind behind all the designs on our website, posters, tee-shirts… everything except Pat’s wardrobe.
The band has been together since 2003, that’s 8 years of shows, that’s a shit ton of posters.
So we decided to dig some old ones up, and feature them on the blog and the facebook (full gallery in the facebook)
NO OFFENSE LARRY
Jessica Frease and her husband Ryan, our good friends, incredible designers and genius behind our Seafoam Mascot have been blessed with a gorgeous baby girl.
Please welcome, Vivian Poppy Frease.
Vivian was born January 15th, weighing 7lbs 2oz. She has also already designed at least three print ads at the ripe old age of 2 (days). There is, without a doubt, that this will be one of the most artistically talented humans that has ever been forged in a baby oven.
Jessica has been one of Lagoon’s greatest supporters, providing her wonderful artistic talents for some of our posters and creating our long time Mascot Seafoam. Please take a moment and check out her Website.
Not really a band update, but I figured I would share this with you.
Without fail, I severely burn myself every 3 to 4 years. In highschool, it was an iron to the upper arm. In college, it was a flaming marshmallow to the nose. And most recently it was an extremely hot cup of tea on my testicles.
Granted, the mark this burn left on me was far more emotional than physical. I could say that, other than a few red spots, small blisters and missing hair, I am 100% ok.
I had just sat down on the couch to watch some football. The Colts were losing to the eagles, and I was enjoying a little facebook surfing. My girlfriend had picked up a new variety of tea, something that boasted SUPER antioxidant power so I thought I would try it. I always imagine antioxidants as cancer police in my blood, roaming around chomping free radicals. The extent of my scientific knowledge on the subject ends there.
The tea pot whistled. I got my favorite mug. I poured some water. Plopped in the tea bag and set it on the somewhat stable couch arm… It happened exactly how you are now picturing it. I sat down, brushed the glass with my elbow, and in slow motion watched it slip down the arm of the couch dumping the complete contents on my lightly clothed pasty white inner thigh.
The involuntary reaction was spectacular. My laptop went flying. I let out a very high pitched yelp, and then pulled my pants down. My brain at this point ceased to grasp the situation. My pants lay in a steaming pile beneath me, but instead of, well… covering myself up, I simply stood there assessing the damage.
Like a curious and shocked rodent with an injured limb, I inspected for any serious problems and checked functionality. Not at all realizing that I was, in fact, completely naked from the waste down staring at my own now turtling genitals in front of three very large unfiltered windows two stories above what could only be described as a busy city street.
My second embarrassment followed when, in a panic, I pulled my pants back up to find that they were nearly as hot as they were 30 seconds before (damn you water and your high specific heat!). So I pulled them back down, and finally wandered into my room wearing only my gym shoes, no pants, and a waist long white undershirt.
Had you been walking below my apartment at ~ 7:23pm November 7th 2010 you would have seen the following sequence of events.
1. A man jumps up from his couch throwing his laptop 3 feet into the air
2. Said man turns towards 3 large windows and pulls down his pants
3. Man continues to stand there staring and moving his genitals around in such a away that he could be described as looking “inquisitive”
4. Man pulls pants back up
5. Man throws pants back down.
6. Man turns around and walks slowly into his room
7. Man returns a few seconds later with a bag of frozen broccoli
8. Man puts broccoli on his crotch.
Broccoli, is there anything you cant do?
Thank you to East West Studio Lagoon Loves you
Hi. I am le tired. Doesn’t mean I’m not going to try for you. I will always try for you, my deer.
I am not going to lie, going into this I had no idea what to expect. I knew that was going to be on a “panel” (I was thinking supreme court). Luckily it was far more awesome with a lot less old politicians. The discussion portion of the night was followed up by a performance. I couldn’t think of anything more fulfilling. Shedding the wall between stage and fan in such a delegated way is brilliant.
It was difficult to gauge this performance on a normal scale. It was rather different. The oddity of talking to and interacting with other like minded bands BEFORE performing is something I’m not used to. In fact, talking about Lagoon’s social media strategy amongst anyone but my closest peers is something completely foreign to me.
I do have to say that I got an inkling of something special here. It seems that a number of performers, or even those who put on this show, were a little let down by the turn out. However, RockShop is certainly onto something, and as it grows (and I certainly hope they keep this up for a long time) ingraining new technology and means of communication within the panel and discussion section will add to validity to it all. It makes me excited for things to come.
I’ll Spock this shit and just say “The success of the many outweighs the success of the few.”
I recommend everyone take a second and get to meet the other performers. I don’t need to say much else but I implore you to take a look, dive into these other musicians lives. You’ll see a lot of similarities and hear a lot of great music.
Aaron Perrino (Of the Sheila Divine)
Lagoon ( YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT)
Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling
I will include pictures from our set at the end, but for a more in-depth rundown, video footage, as well as an aggregate of the night’s blog reports check out Michael J Epstein’s blog you can also check out Georg Capalbo’s Flickr for some panel pictures )
Very Special Thanks to Charles McEnerney @wellroundedradi (for making me feel ok that I was a tad late to the panel) and Clay @mideastclub (We love the Middle East and Happy Birthday!)
Promo Video – Gustave destroys your soul
Gustave has decided to put our ugly faces to the test again and film us a Promo Video. For those of you who don’t know Gustave, he is the Manius (man+genius) that created our first video (Marisa and I also agree that he looks like a very huggable person).
Ok, I actually cant give you any more details on this project except that filming will start October 16th.
I am such a tease. Ahahahaha. Ok I’m not… I give it up pretty easily. You just have to ask… But not about the promo. I wont give that up. That’s my cherry. It’s my Promo Cherry. Wow, ok, not going down that road again… AGAIN!?!
(said like Rufio)
So, Lagoon is continuing its transition phase. David has been diligently working on our studio, and is looking forward to us not playing shows for a little bit. Sadly, that’s what the rest of us like to do, and that’s how we get to love all over you. Trust me, it will be worth it. It’s like a butterfly, we’re cocooning. My analogies today are horrible.
Oh, Also, it was my birthday this week. Yay. I’m 12 now. Here is a picture of my sister and my girlfriend eating a gigantic pineapple gummy bear.
F**king bats are awesome!
2010 Biology Nobel Prize
“A description of the sexual antics of the short-nosed fruit bat earned the award for Gareth Jones at Bristol University and collaborators in China. The team showed that females who performed oral sex on their mates copulated for longer”
First of all, what does a bat penis look like? Maybe that’s just where my mind goes first, but really, what does it look like. I guess it’s a good thing these are short nosed bats and not the long nosed variety. It might make that action a little more difficult, considering the strange contour of a little bat face.
“It is the first documented case of fellatio by adult animals other than humans to my knowledge, and opens questions about whether female animals can manipulate males via sexual activity, perhaps in this case to improve their chances of successful fertilisation,” Jones told the Guardian. He planned to demonstrate the behaviour at the ceremony using puppets.”
If everyone who discovered a strange sexual act then reenacted it using puppets was given a Nobel Prize half of california would have one. Think for one moment… Where would be the most inappropriate place to have puppet sex? Yep, you guessed it… A Nobel acceptance speech. Not only that, where do you get a Bat Puppet. Not only that, an anatomically correct Bat Puppet. Oh that’s right, YOU DON’T. so that means that this guy is going to fabricate a bat puppet and bat penis out of some sort of felt probably, which brings me back to my original problem: What does a G-ddamn bat penis look like!?
Ok, lets get on to some pictures. A couple of these photos might be doctored.
THANKS FOR THE BAT PICTURE JILL
A final, but potent quote:
Me: I need a quote for this week
Hey Kiddies… Shall we?
OLD SHOW / NEW SHOW!
Hi friends. First of all, thank you to everyone who came out to the great Butterknife-Lagoon Extravaganza 2010. We had a blast, and we hope to be rocking with Butterknife again soon!!
Butterknife’s drummer made my ears bleed.
I never thought I would ever hear anyone play the drums louder than @lagoonmarisa… Well… I think she has met her match.
- 5 hearing
Because Kieran has an amazing beard
It is amazing.
That one random thing that happened…
After the show, while Marisa and Pat were fighting with the venue trying to get paid (literally almost fighting), I decided to duck out the back and go find our gigantic red love machine. So… I go walking and I finally spot the whale of a van in the corner of a ‘pay to park’ lot. It’s dark, probably about 1am, I’m not scared or anything but I readied my ninja senses and walked briskly. I opened the door. Hopped in. Put the keys in the ignition, and simultaneously turned on the lights…
Suddenly, I notice a young man urinating on the fence directly in front of the van (ass to bumper). The burst of light and loud engine noise startled him horribly, and I could see the glisten of errant spray even through the windsheild. He quickly twisted his head left to right, trying to see whether or not he was getting attacked. In a few moments he decided to make a break for it and run partly hunched over to the edge of the fence…. Meanwhile, I just laughed hysterically.
Here are some photos…. of the show… you sicko:
Ok, looking forward:
We have some stuff in the pipe. And I’m NOT talking about the fact you, or anyone else, has to poop; Different pipe. This is the kinda pipe that music flows out of. One could argue that tooting is music, but… ok you get the point.
Lets start with the poster by @davidtornado
This is going to be a FREE social media event sponsored by www.futurem.org and before we play our set I’ll be giving a little talk. I am totally used to this kind of stuff. I typically get up and share my feelings at meetings all the time. You know… the kind of meetings for degenerate sex addicts like myself. But, to be serious (for once), this should be an awesome event. We are playing downstairs, all ages, free show. It’s going to be all about music, social media, and the progression of it all.
“Hi my name is Larry and I have a tiny…”
(remember you can download any of David’s posters in wallpaper, iphone wallpaper, and .pdf form on the homepage: www.lagoononline.com)
5 Worst State Slogans
So, a little backstory: The next day after the show David thought it would be a good idea to head on down to Newport to catch the final Polo match of the season. I decided to tag along, and it turned out to be a glorious afternoon (pictures after this section). So, it might seem totally unrelated to the headline, but upon crossing state lines into “The Ocean state” I became curious… curious about states… So, on a whim I pulled up some information on my sweetass new smarthphone and… lets just say I was amazed.
Slogan: “This is still the right place.”
Religious jokes aside, Utah is still the right place for what? The right place to live? The right place to visit? The right place to tickle? Something is not just intrinsically right. Ugh. It’s almost as bad as what they have on their license plates: “Life Elevated.” Is that a pun or did my brain just die.
#4 Rhode Island
Slogan: “We’re not really an Island.”
It’s sad that I’m not kidding.
#3 New York
Slogan: “I love New York”
That’s great, what about the rest of us. Doesn’t this seem a little pretentious? I suggest you change it to “You know, you might love New York too if we weren’t so loud.”
Slogan: “Oklahom is OK”
Oh I get. It’s funny because it’s true! Hahaha. You know, that’s so funny.
Slogan: “It’s Wide Open.”
It sure is. It sure is.
Slogan: “It’s like a Whole Other Country”
My Version: “It Should be a Whole Other Country.”
Slogan: “You’ve got a friend in Pennsylvania”
I fucking doubt it.
And now some polo match photos:
NO OFFENSE LARRY
A final, but potent quote:
Me: I guess money cant buy you love?
Tristan: maybe he didn’t have enough
I was going to organize this blog entry into something fun like “5 great things that fluff pillows,” or “25 ways to cook with nail clippings.” However, in the usual fashion I just started writing… What popped out looked like a hot mess rather than an organized hot mess(?).
DON’T YOU DARE DO IT EARL
Listen to me Earl, LISTEN TO ME EARL, I have tickets to just ONE Red Sox game and you’re going to piss all over it. Just go out into the ocean and leave Massachusetts alone. You can slam the fuck into Nova Scotia all you want. JUST LEAVE BOSTON ALONE ON SEPTEMBER 3RD.
Awesome Bible Passages and their 2010 Editions
II Kings 2:23-24
“From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. “Go on up, you baldhead!” they said. “Go on up, you baldhead!” He turned around, looked at them, and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled the forty-two youths.“
Ok. Biblical times were awesome. Can you imagine how cool it would be to watch two bears maul 42 people? That would make the most amazing episode of “When Animals Attack.” Also, “youth” is a very vague term. Are we talking 5 year olds? Cause that’s not cool. If it’s like 14-20, I’m ok with a bear mauling at that age. Especially since 30 was considered old age. So lets rehash:
<5- Not cool for bear mauling
5-14 Avoid bear mauling whenever possible
14-20 Prime bear mauling age
20-30 You could probably do the mauling yourself, but bear involvement is fine
30+ Let nature maul them
“Elishizzle headed to Bethel. Some gangster kids from the town said “Hey Baldy, Go on up!” “No seriously, Go on up!” He turned around, looked at them, flicked them off and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two endangered bears came out of the woods and mauled the forty-two youths.”
Lesson to be learned: Do not F with the Lord or bears will EAT YOU. Also, being bald is ok, you can command wildlife.
“He said to Jacob, ‘Let me eat some of that red stuff, because I’m exhausted’”
My name is Jacob and that red stuff is awesome. It is really good with green drink.
‘He said to Jacob, ‘Dude, do you have a 5-hour energy, because I’m having that 2:30 feeling’“
Lesson to be learned: Red stuff rules and it makes you un-tired and junk.
“A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind, or trying to hold something with greased hands.”
I wonder what else he’s holding with greased hands (Yuck Yuck). Actually, they had grease back then? Not WD-40, but wow… Grease! I bet that was a new invention. “Dude the lord talks about grease!”
“A bitchy wife is as annoying as meaningless facebook updates. Stopping her complaints is like trying to turn off the internet, or trying to hold something with WD-40’ed hands.”
Lesson to be learned: Don’t marry?
“Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emissions were like that of horses.”
Best… Book… Ever… Who says emissions? Ahahahhaah. Sounds like I need to get my car checked. Some of these terms need to come back, seriously.
“She became hot as she remembered how she used to be an interracial porn star. They had big junk, and could pressure wash her driveway”
Lesson to be learned: Egyptians have huge… uhh… Pyramids.
And Now Some Boston Pictures
(P.S. these were taken on my phone (HTC droid incredible) using the free app Fx Camera… Get it)
UNTIL NEXT TIME COME VISIT US PLACES HERE NOW
(Marisa getting ready to rock)
On the hierarchy of “losing things” your vehicle tends to be a priority, so you could imagine our amazement when we walked out to corner to find that our extremely large bright red van missing.
“Hum… I know for a fact I parked the van here,” said Pat.
And then it started raining.
Marisa had already claimed my umbrella for her hair which was frizzing itself into a knot. The rest of us reached for our phones and madly started googling. I think my first entry was “My can was Towde” (Give me a break, it’s a new phone and I am just learning). Within minutes, we determined the Red Beast was being held at a nearby impound lot.
With less than an hour until we had to load in for the show, we were all happy that retrieving our van was relatively easy. Handing over money for something we never wanted done in the first place proved to be more difficult. I remember the stale impound office room, at least one sweaty overweight man judging us, while the other happily rang Pat’s credit card. $$
On our way to get our equipment, I remember staring out the window hoping that this was the last strange thing to happen that night.
A few seconds later we lightly struck a mail truck (Incriminating picture has been purposefully left off).
When we arrived at the Middle East I felt much more at ease. We spent some time enjoying drinks and food in the lobby with some friends. In retrospect, beans, grease, and heavy spices were probably the last thing I should have eaten. I did not know that the stage was going to sweat up like a sauna… I got very few hugs after the show. David got a lot of hugs…
The concert went very well. I should have brought up a second bottle of water (or beer?). If one were to judge our performance based on how much bodily fluid we were covered in, I would say we did swimmingly. Things got even more interesting the second we got off the stage. I had an argument with the booking lady, Pat had an argument with a cab driver, everyone else drank and slipped away.
No Bodily Harm
Let us for a second return to our previous graph.
It’s not something we did on purpose, but in the mess of loading out our equipment, recounting the night’s activities, and drinking we lost someone. I mean, full on lost someone. Let me clarify, it’s not that we just “left” someone at the club or at the practice space. We simply lost a human being. They got out of the van when no one was around and just wandered off. It is the exact same feeling you have when you lose a dog, a drunk dog, a large drunk dog, a large really drunk dog that’s actually a person.
We managed to scrounge up a couple large Mag-lights and began scouring the neighborhood. I think David’s neighbors thought:
A. We murdered someone and was burying them in a hole dug from inebriated screams.
B. We had lost our dog, but we were going about retrieving him in a way that would simply scare him more.
C. We were so drunk that we thought flashlights talked to Jesus.
Now, the most interesting fact is that this person (who shall remain namless) some how slipped passed all our searching, responded to ZERO name calls, ducked under the cover of the night and crawled BACK into the rear of the van. Pat, who was driving, suddenly realized some other human had just flopped down on the cold metal floor. He was now asleep. We had found him.
Where he was, what he did, and why he did it shall remain a mystery.
As we pulled away, David texted me almost immediately after. Apparently a bat had gotten into his house. If this had anything to do with the fact we covered the True Blood theme song at the show I don’t know. I would like to think it did.
****Imagine X-Files Theme****
And now for a picture trip through the rest of our weekend.
COME SAY HI ON THINGS
Hi friends. What a week. I mean WHAT A WEEK. I love you Saturday. You make every other day seem so inadequate. Just like… I’ll leave that analogy at that.
So how are you? You get that “thing” removed yet?
Hi. We decided that going until JUNE to play our next show was far too long. So, we booked another shin-dig at the Cantab lounge for Friday April 23rd.
I apologize for @lagoonmarisa’s inability to take pictures
The show details are not nailed out. I will be making a facebook event group with all that fabulous stuff, so come join us. Like last time, expect a small packed bar that is very loud with poor sound quality, cheap drinks, and men that comment on how the color of your scarf looks like “pussy.” Luckily I wasn’t offended. Actually nothing offends me anymore. Except people that wear too much perfume, that is horribly offensive. MY BURNING OLFACTORIES.
I do not understand the buzz about this. It is missing basic hardware, and falls into some gray zone between a computer and a book reader? To be honest, I think Apple really doesn’t care. They know they can release a quasi-cool item and every hipster will buy one as a coffee table accent. Now, granted, it’s neat, it’s sleek, it’s fast, it does what it is supposed to do well (which most Microsoft/windows based items simply cannot say), but does anyone NEED it?
There is an argument to be made here that hipsters simply NEED Apple devices to survive. Some medical documents (published by the AMA) have suggested that Hipsters blood is part Apple, called Iblood. Like vampires they simply cannot survive without being surrounded by and in constant contact with Apple devices. Side effects of this condition are easy to spot: Shrinkage of jeans, Ironic facial hair growth, Pompous attitude, plaid, neon sunglasses, and no testicles. Removal of these individuals from their environment will often kill them, or in some cases cause them to vomit from awkwardness when they realize, blatantly, that they are simply devoid of any real creativity, and have just been following a trend.
Here is what Apple, or someone ( I don’t care) needs to create:
“The tricorder incorporates several sensor clusters, multi-channel communications assemblies, and multiple databank modules. Encompassing visual displays and standard graphic touch pad interface, it provides easy means for on the spot archive retrieval, the recording of away mission events, and constant scientific measurements including biological, geographical or meteorological. Tricorders could also be used for tasks such as recording time trials or interfacing with starship systems such as forcefield controls. They are also capable of playing holographic messages and feature a built in universal translator”
(It takes a different breed of nerd to write this shit up, don’t get me wrong, I love it, I love Star Trek, but good lord you gotta be nerdy)
Now, I know most of these technologies do not exist, but I KNOW for a fact, with current technology they could make the laptop, the digital camera and the cell phone obsolete with one device. The specs on even an Iphone would make my first computer look ridiculous. So Apple, stop fucking around, stop releasing intermediate luxury buttpuff devices, make the Ieverything and turn us all into hipsters.
This week’s Featured Model: Irony
Instead of doing this week’s model, I am just going to post more pictures of Hipsters.
Come join us on things with other stuff in it: