Lagoon Update: Dude Where’s my Van? Maslow’s Hierarchy of Losing Things
Aug0
(Marisa getting ready to rock)
Show Review!
On the hierarchy of “losing things” your vehicle tends to be a priority, so you could imagine our amazement when we walked out to corner to find that our extremely large bright red van missing.
“Hum… I know for a fact I parked the van here,” said Pat.
And then it started raining.
Marisa had already claimed my umbrella for her hair which was frizzing itself into a knot. The rest of us reached for our phones and madly started googling. I think my first entry was “My can was Towde” (Give me a break, it’s a new phone and I am just learning). Within minutes, we determined the Red Beast was being held at a nearby impound lot.
With less than an hour until we had to load in for the show, we were all happy that retrieving our van was relatively easy. Handing over money for something we never wanted done in the first place proved to be more difficult. I remember the stale impound office room, at least one sweaty overweight man judging us, while the other happily rang Pat’s credit card. $$
On our way to get our equipment, I remember staring out the window hoping that this was the last strange thing to happen that night.
A few seconds later we lightly struck a mail truck (Incriminating picture has been purposefully left off).
When we arrived at the Middle East I felt much more at ease. We spent some time enjoying drinks and food in the lobby with some friends. In retrospect, beans, grease, and heavy spices were probably the last thing I should have eaten. I did not know that the stage was going to sweat up like a sauna… I got very few hugs after the show. David got a lot of hugs…
The concert went very well. I should have brought up a second bottle of water (or beer?). If one were to judge our performance based on how much bodily fluid we were covered in, I would say we did swimmingly. Things got even more interesting the second we got off the stage. I had an argument with the booking lady, Pat had an argument with a cab driver, everyone else drank and slipped away.
No Bodily Harm
Let us for a second return to our previous graph.
It’s not something we did on purpose, but in the mess of loading out our equipment, recounting the night’s activities, and drinking we lost someone. I mean, full on lost someone. Let me clarify, it’s not that we just “left” someone at the club or at the practice space. We simply lost a human being. They got out of the van when no one was around and just wandered off. It is the exact same feeling you have when you lose a dog, a drunk dog, a large drunk dog, a large really drunk dog that’s actually a person.
We managed to scrounge up a couple large Mag-lights and began scouring the neighborhood. I think David’s neighbors thought:
A. We murdered someone and was burying them in a hole dug from inebriated screams.
B. We had lost our dog, but we were going about retrieving him in a way that would simply scare him more.
C. We were so drunk that we thought flashlights talked to Jesus.
Now, the most interesting fact is that this person (who shall remain namless) some how slipped passed all our searching, responded to ZERO name calls, ducked under the cover of the night and crawled BACK into the rear of the van. Pat, who was driving, suddenly realized some other human had just flopped down on the cold metal floor. He was now asleep. We had found him.
Where he was, what he did, and why he did it shall remain a mystery.
As we pulled away, David texted me almost immediately after. Apparently a bat had gotten into his house. If this had anything to do with the fact we covered the True Blood theme song at the show I don’t know. I would like to think it did.
****Imagine X-Files Theme****
And now for a picture trip through the rest of our weekend.
COME SAY HI ON THINGS
Lagoon Update: The Taco Bell Formula, Mini-news, Featured Model Bret Ford
Feb0
Well hello sexy sexy people. Hopefully you are still digesting our recent new releases. So far we have gotten great feedback on both the new song, and the new video. Except for Gargamel, who exclaimed he would rather “eat a smurf.” Oh well, cant win them all.
Oh ya… SHOW TOMORROW (Friday, 19th 2010) at Cantab Lounge. I think my liver is ready. I think my liver is ready. I think my liver is ready… More info on the facebook
Also, David has been feeling lonely on his twitter, so add him please @davidtornado. He loves everyone all the time.
Ok, lets rock and roll.
Taco Bell Formula
(Yes, because adding ANOTHER MEAL is what America needs right now)
I am sure that everyone realizes Taco Bell is doing little more than rearranging about 6 ingredients into “new” formations and feeding it back to the general public. Its odd to think that this works but it does (what could be wrong with meat, beans, tortillas salt and cheese?). This is not exactly a pioneering feat. In fact, there are several other, well, systems, which employ what I would like to call the “Taco Bell Formula”
#4 Cell Phones and Personal Computers
Don’t get me wrong, the Iphone is arguably the best phone-taco out there, but soon (very soon) there will be an innumerable amount of comparable beef and beans available on the market. All you need is a healthy mix of megapixels, touch screens, wifi, 3g, Internet browsing, applications, and you got yourself a Taco Bell Formula.
This sounds a lot like what happened with PC computers. Sure there are gaming tacos and business tacos. There are net-tacos and sleek tacos. But, like the Gordita- that spongy beautiful creation- computers are the same taco filling just in a fancy shell. OH, but our beef is a LITTLE better this year. OH, our cheese is sooooo much smoother. OH, Our beans will serve YOUR specific purpose. Oh… wait… I’m still eating a taco.
#3 Social Networking
Facebook, Taco. LinkedIn, Taco. Myspace, gross ass Taco. Twitter, well.. A smaller portion Taco without meat, but still a taco. There are a few features you need to connect humans together in an online medium: status updates, biographies, profile pictures, friending mechanism, and search function. THAT’S IT. I want to know if the domain pooptacofriends.com is taken. If not, I hope you will all join me on pooptacofriends where we can share our steamy piles of refried beans together.
(It’s almost sad. I have only gotten through two taco bell formulas and I am already re-using ingredients in my analogies. OH WAIT, that’s the point).
#2 Politics
This has Taco written all over it. You have heard the same political catch phrases your entire life. You have heard the same political promises your entire life, not very mavericky is it?
Big government or little government?
Taxes or no taxes?
Death penalty or not death penalty?
Abortion or no abortion?
Guns or no guns?
Gays or no gays (marriage)?
Religion or no religion?
More military, less military?
How would you like your taco? Step forward to the next window to vote.
Sounds like a combination of meat and cheese to me; outmoded ideas, in a progressive time. Forgive my mini-rant, but It seems we are only presented with the choice of super mild or and super spicy sauce. Chances are 90% of us prefer something in the medium range.
#1 Every Song on the Radio
Most modern pop music is a simple combination of 4 chords, or beans, or poop… Popularly known as the “Axis of awesome.” This is most easily shown to you by… well… this video… (for people viewing this on Facebooktaco.com you’ll have to click the link. Sorry)
Pretty amazing. Do you find it unnerving that you have been spoon-fed formulaic music the same as you have been, well, “tortilla” fed Taco Bell? Scary. This goes without saying that I really love some of these songs. It’s just a sad realization that they are practically the same.
Some months ago, I spent about an hour on the phone with a AR guy at a record company. He was familiar with our music, and had listened to our stuff online. His only criticism was that we were not employing the Taco Bell Formula.
“Some of your songs are almost 6 minutes! The names of your songs are too weird. Some of the arrangements are a bit strange”
His advice was to completely re-tool our formula, Taco-it up a little…Uh… No thanks? We like naming our songs weird things (the next single will be called ”Pansy baby farts”).
As a band, we have always simply played what we hear in our mind, and in our heart. We have no “agenda” in mind. We are not, in anyway, making songs from a recipe with beans and cheese. So, here’s a promise, we will never be another Taco. Suck it pop music. Anyway, you guys seem to like it just fine.
Lagoon Featured Model: Bret Ford
Welcome to this weeks Lagoon Featured Taco, err.. I mean Model section. Actually, I’m quite kidding because Bret is far from a taco. These were some of the best pictures from the shoot. Clearly this first one is my favorite, the guy looks like Zeus. Strike that man down.
You can find more pictures on our facebook
We are going to keep a collection of ALL the tacos there for your enjoyment; for everyone’s enjoyment.
We will be featuring one taco per week until we run out of tacos… or beans.
All jokes aside, Thank you so much Bret for doing this. Your photos were awesome.
Thanks again to Vanessa Athens @VanessaAthens for putting this together, and to Hansel Tsai for your photography skills.
Check our storefor frequently updated merchandise, and if you want the SEAFOAM shirt (a Jessica “ Rad Taco” Frease design) you can get them from Café Press here: Cafe Press
Lagoon, not a taco, since 2003.
Wait… so you just incase you haven’t had enough Lagoon ranting or blatant taco jokes here is all the varieties you can shake your stick at, err… shake “a” stick at. STOP SHAKING YOUR STICK.
(No tacos were hurt in the making of this blog, but they were referenced over 45 times…. And right now, @lagoonmarisa is counting to make sure that is an accurate statement…. just in case… taco taco taco taco taco)
Lagoon Update: 2009 as Seen Through My Cell-phone, Lagoon Featured Model: Lindsey Ambrose, Tons of F**king Pictures
Dec2
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Hello Friends and welcome to the Lagoon Blog. Happy New Year!!! Holy crap am I happy 2009 is over. How freaky is that today is ALSO a blue moon. You know what they say… yuck yuck yuck.
We have been spending a ton of time on the new material, and 2 more songs are almost finished. INSANITY! We are pretty close to releasing EPISODE II of our stream of new music. Man… isn’t this fun? (in case you missed EPISODE I – HEATER RABBIT)
Well there’s not too much else I have to cover here. So how about I just inundate you with a ton of pictures… ready… set… GO!
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Lagoon Featured Model: Lindsey Ambrose
Hollaaaaaa, Hollllaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *cough* *hack* *cough*
welcome to our third edition of our Lagoon Model Shoot. I am proud to present Lindsey Ambrose. I really hope you enjoy the Photoooossssssss.
You can find more pictures on our facebook page at www.facebook.com/lagoonband
We are going to keep a collection of ALL the models there for your enjoyment; for everyone’s enjoyment.
We will be featuring one model per week until we run out of models… or weeks.
Thank you very much Lindsey for making our crazy ass seamonster look sexy. As usual, Thanks to Vanessa Athens @VanessaAthens for putting this together, and to Hansel Tsai for your photography skills. Check our store for frequently updated merchandise, and if you want the SEAFOAM shirt you can get them from Café Press here: Cafe Press
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2009 (and some 2008) – New Years Ghetto Phone Picture Album
I have a ghetto cell phone; Samsung model U 420 “Coldwar edition“. It’s pathetic since out of anyone in the band I would probably benefit the most from a “smart-phone.”
Well… Poppycock… Smartphones with their megi-pixals, and their LDC Tooch Screens, and their Appolocations… Poppycock on you.
I spent half my time with this phone snappin pictures so I could bring you a glimpse into my life via lo-fidelity horrible grainy-ness. This took me an insane amount of time since I don’t have the USB cord for this phone, and I could not get it to transfer the files over bluetoothy. I literally had to send 50 picture messages TO MY EMAIL (lord think of the cell bill. Fuck, what am I doing?) Also, when I uploaded the pictures they got all jumbled. Goodbye chronological order. Hello Serendipity.
2009 (and some 2008) – New Years Ghetto Phone Picture Album
“I swear you see the strangest things on the freeway these days”
“The infamous MFW Robot”
“One of my oldest friends, Leigh“
“This is my old roommate Ryan. I don’t think he ever knew i took this picture but it is still what comes up whenever he calls me. I hope he reads this”
“This is pretty prophetic, but… turned out to be more than just a vacation. “
“You can dance if you want to you, you can leave your friends behind….”
“Yes, this is a real dog. Yes, it belongs in a Dr. Seuss novel.”
“I saved a Camel.”
“I realize I primarily take pictures of Pets and Alcohol.”
“… And don’t piss on this sign as well.”
“David’s Pumpkin”
“My Pumpkin”
“LA in October… damn you California”
“Take Sunset to the sea…..”
“A Shot of the crowd in AZ, great show”
“I love the night life, I love to booogaaayyy”
“I keep an unhealthy collection of scotch in my room”
“Bumble Bee Tuna?”
“David rocks the pink guitar so well”
“After being mentally scarred, I keep my room spotless.”
“I love this guitar”
“Jeff brings the pain… pain to the mix”
“Best Birthday Present Ever!”
“My Name is Jacob… Not Pigo…”
“I fuxored up myself”
“How not to take care of a rental car by Marisa“
” …seconds before she dismembered me”
“THOSE ARE SOME PANCAKES MAN”
“Just two grown men sharing some chocolate milk”
“Yes, I will take the ‘Happy Ending Sundae’ please… Oh i have to follow you into the back?”
“I really do love living here.”
“That suit… is just amazing”
“The Tattoo before it was filled in.”
“A snow drive back from New Hampy”
“The liberty Hotel… FANCY PARTIES BOOYA”
“The backside of the Ben and Jerry’s factory… and the Backside of Pat… wait frontside of pat? I cant tell”
“Seafoam underwear anyone?”
“Rooftop 4th of July Party”
“Holy shit this is cute”
“I have pretty good timing.”
“70’s style stache anyone?”
“We have to keep her chained up… then we let her out to play… then chain her up again.”
“Scotch + Music = my life”
“Probably the strangest thing ever written on a refrigerator”
“I miss you Squirrel”
“COOOKKKKKIIEEE!!!”
“We should charge a cover to enter our house”
“Can you solve the puzzle?!?!”
“The correct formation for X-Y style overhead mic-ing, or something, ask Jeff”
“I drank this, and to my surprise I lived…I survived ‘the hard.’”
“This was what I ate for three weeks”
“awwwwwwwwww…. *fart*”
“…”
“He is so happy to be a baby cucumber.”
“Silly wabbits, poker is for people with too much jewelry and cowboy hats, or… actually poker is cool… Dont tell David I said that”
“Happy Christmas Cake”
“Happy Christmas Scotch”
Who knows what 2010 will bring… Actually I know… Tons more music from Lagoon… YOU GONNA LISTEN!? I bet you are… I bet you are you silly sailor you… Yes… you’re a silly sailor… You’re MY silly Sailor aren’t you?
Do you like us? I mean… REALLY like us? Why not join us on our various social networks, or sign up for our email list on our homepage (no spam, only love… love spam… ahaha just kidding no spam)
Lagoon Update: Tickles and Peanuts, 12for12k
Sep2
(for all the free lagoon tunes you can possibly digest and not get sick on: www.lagoononline.com)
12for12k
Before I get down to the normal band news I want to take a moment bring everyone’s attention to a great cause.
Tomorrow, September 29th is going to be an ALL DAY tweet-a-thon to raise money for the charity Doctors Without Borders starting at 12am: http://12for12k.org/events/
@HennArtOnline will be tweeting for 24 hours straight to try to raise $12,000. You should definitely add her, and help spread the word! Also, check out the page and see what you can do to help and possibly be a part of a Guiness Book Record!
(A very special congrats to @mickeyGomez and @ramartijr for bringing this is our attention and helping make this work!)
As you know, Lagoon is dedicated to bringing love and attention to the right causes. Take a moment and see what you can do.
BAND NEWS
So, lots of stuff ON THE MOVE already. Our 4th song is currently in LA being mixed, our 5th song is almost done. We are planning to get a single released very soon, and we are all extremely excited about how it is turning out.
Also, my good friend Jeff will be headed out to Boston in early October to help finalize some stuff regarding our recordings. We will have much more news coming out quickly regarding the Tucson Arizona show on Saturday October 24th. Be excited.
To tide you over, here is a cool picture of @lagoonpmac
Tickles and Peanuts
Say hello to my 16 year old self:
I figured for today’s Lagoon Update I would treat everyone to a little bit of my horrible past with women. I have not always been the ladies man I am today (HA HA). Lets go back… way back… all the way to 1999 in a Subway Sandwich shop.
(At this point, please imagine a Wayne’s World type flashback, complete with cool hand dancing, wavy lines ands whimsical music).
“Extra Tomatoes please,” I said as her fingers loosely separate the juicy slices. She took such care in removing the ones with green spots. “Is that all,” She said with a smile. “Yes, that’s perfect.” Everyday, I would drive an extra 10 miles and wait 10 minutes in line just so I could have one or two lines of meaningless dialogue with this girl. She was my Subway obsession.
One day in the spring of 1999, or in Arizona we like to call it February, I arrived early to find that no one was making sandwiches. Actually, it looked like no one was working. I wandered around awkwardly for a few minutes before I finally looked around the corner and said, “hello?” I heard a rustling from the kitchen, then a loud bang followed by an intense yelp.
“Are you ok?” I said leaning over the glass. For a few moments there was no response. Weird noises continued until finally my lady’s head popped around the corner. “ I’m fine. I am just the only one here… And the lettuce… The lettuce is everywhere. Would you mind just coming back in a few minutes?” I paused for a second and sucked up every bit of 16-year-old balls I had and said, “Well, how about I help you?”
Before she could respond I had grabbed the broom from the corner, and whisked back into kitchen where it looked like 50 heads of lettuce had just thrown up. I started on the floor, and she focused on counters. We worked so frantically that we didn’t even talk, and magically, fatefully, not a soul walked in the front door.
When we got done I said, “Well miss, I will take a sandwich please, with…” “Extra tomatoes,” she said finishing my sentence. I started to say something, but stopped mid-sentence letting out an awkward squeak instead of words. I again watched her meticulously build my sandwich, as at least 8 people walked in the door and piled up behind me. She bagged my sandwich, rang me up, and before I could even say goodbye she motioned to the next guy in line and said, “What can I get for you?”
I was so dejected. My golden opportunity lost. My one moment of chivalry wasted. Then I realized I had forgotten to buy a soda! I got back in line. I waited 10 more minutes, got a soda, opened my mouth and…. “Ok who’s next,” she said, cutting me off. “Fuck!” I thought to myself. Maybe it was my new found level of testosterone, or my lack of caffeine, but I then just blurted out, “Lets go out sometime.” There was a very long and unnerving pause by everyone in line. “I mean… You know… How about I just get your number?” I said playing it off. The girl looked at me, smiled, and wrote her number on the back of my receipt.
I remember thinking “Stephanie, what a great name,” but I don’t remember leaving the store (it is my belief that I literally floated to my car). I called her that night and we had a long and wonderful conversation. We even set up a date for Saturday. We were going to meet for a day of fun at CrackerJacks, the local putt-putt golf and arcade.
By the time Saturday rolled around I knew exactly what I was going to wear, what I was going to say, and how I was going to act. I had it planned down to the very moment that I would move in to kiss her. We would embrace in passion, our lives intertwined as one person. I knew in my heart that I could love this girl forever.
We played Putt-Putt, and went to the batting cages. We even got some ice cream and sat on a cement block outside. We talked about life, school, which classes we loved, and what things we hated. The only hiccup occurred when we started playing in the arcade. In a moment of passion I smacked her in the face with one of those mallets used to bang moles. “Are you ok?!?” “I am fine,” she said laughing and holding her face. I touched the small of her back and moved forward to see if she was bleeding. At that moment she squirmed violently and said, “I am sooooo ticklish.”
By this time it was after 4pm and my heart sank as I saw the silhouette of her mom’s car pull in front of the large clear entrance doors. The carriage to take my slipper-less princess away had arrived. My moment was now or never. We both stood up, and hand-in-hand we strolled slowly through the crowds of people bustling in. About 10 yards from the door I said something sarcastic. Stephanie turned and gave me a light punch on the arm. Out of instinct, I went for a tickle… And I was about to learn how ticklish some people really are.
The moment my fingers touched the side of Stephanie her entire body flexed. Every one of her muscles convulsed, her arms pushed inwards, and her knees bent. What I did not realize would happen, but what was the result of my tickle, was the loudest and most disgusting fart I have ever heard in my life. The sheer volume of it baffles me to this day. It must have been stored at incredible pressures in her gut. It came out in three or four waves of rushing air, as I believe the embarrassment of the first one just made every thing even tenser.
People stopped dead in their tracks to see what was going on. At this moment, as horrible as it sounds, I was laughing hysterically. With My eyes watering, I could barely stand. The smell was awful. It was like a mix between roasted peanuts and rotten baby food. The whole gaseous event lasted at least 10 seconds, as waves of the tremors from the initial quake rippled through the crowds of now laughing people.
The last I ever saw of Stephanie was her running through the large glass doors out towards her mom’s car. I tried calling a few times to no avail. All I will ever have is my memories, my memories of the smallest girl with the loudest… uh… laugh?
Don’t forget to come visit us on facebook: www.facebook.com/lagoonband
If you like our band, and you like what we do, all we ask is that you talk about us. Come say hi, download our tunes, tell a friend. That’s all it takes =)