Lagoon Update: BOO! Get Down!

2
Aug
0

 
So, I know it’s been a while- some might say a long time. And it’s true… Sorry.
 

So what’s been going on?
 

We had a couple of shows… and if you missed it too bad… AHAHAH. It was great to play at the Middle East and the Cantab again.
 
On a completely unrelated side note:

My mom called me the other day (she does this frequently) and she asked how the show at the Cantab went. I said it went fine, Marisa (our drummer, nurrrr) played really well, we had a lot of fun, yada yada yada – essentially the exact same conversation I’ve had with my mom about every concert I’ve ever played.

 

Except… One thing… my mom made a comment about the name “ohhhh, Cantab that’s so clever.” I just nervously responded… Oh ya.. it’s so clever… At the time I had NO IDEA what she was talking about, or what the name Cantab could possibly be about.
 

LAGOON

 
Nope… not Can’t Ab.
 

 
OH I’m RETARDED CAN TAB.
 

LAGOON

 

NUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr

 

Ok, Really. So what’s been going on?

 
You might wonder why we have been so quiet? It’s not really anything fun like Pat got cancer and died. It’s more regular run-of-the-mill stuff like pat ran away to Taiwan, or Tahiti, or Thailand (it’s something that starts with a T).
 
I wish I was joking, but he’s gone.
 
We considered calling the police until we saw he was still updating his facebook with pictures: 

 

LAGOON

 
Then we realized that everything is normal, and that’s just Pat being Pat.

 

 *****

So, we have decided to take some time off- You know Lagoon, we never take time off *cough*- Until pat comes back. We THINK he’ll be popping through our door in a couple of weeks.
 

Then we are going to gear right up with another online concert! YAY INTERNETS!
  

Check this Ish Out!

 

Our friend and all around Stud , Gustave Cadet, set up a really awesome site featuring some amazing artists in all forms- an aggregate collection of interesting works.

I recommend you check it out. Now. No seriously. Right now. It’s a great way to lose some time!
 

Insert (inspiration)
 

If you don’t, you’re just another ne’er-do-well
 

 
 

SOME OF YOU MIGHT WONDER
 

What I have been concerning myself with over these last couple months – so here you go – all compiled in a neat little list.
 

1. I am ecstatic that the Cardinals finally got a QB that isn’t Matt Leinhart. I might actually consider picking up Fitzy on my fantasy team. YES FANTASY IS CLOSE.
 
2. I just noticed that they finally raised the debt ceiling – politics aside – WHAT THE FUCK TOOK YOU SO LONG
 
3. I read somewhere that they have been making headway in the treatment of Down ’s syndrome. That’s right, the TREATMENT. I thought that was amazing, and proof we are almost exactly like mice.
 
4. 3 of my orchids are blooming, and I couldn’t be happier. I would have made this #3 but seeing 3. 3 next to each other was really confusing, and I hate typing out the world three. DAMINT. DAAA MINT.
 
5. I just heard that Red Wine can prevent sunburn… This is not a joke, and explains why my girlfriend heals so quickly from being a lobster.
 
6. Marisa and I won the B league softball Bronze level championship. I have the mug to prove it.
 
7. From what I can gather, David is still president and CEO of awesome- but polls show that Ron Perlman is gaining steadily in popularity.
 
8. Pat really is not in the US, while he is gone I’ve been storing cat feces in his room and the smell has actually IMPROVED.
 
9. I’ve been collecting cat feces.
 

Damn It Cohagen

 

 
www.lagoononline.com

Zunelagoonband

www.facebook.com/lagoonband

www.myspace.com/lagoonaz

  • Share/Bookmark

Lagoon – Gemini has Landed! Apollo Program Announced!

4
Apr
0

 
 
 

Fin.

 

 
 
Can you believe it? No, honestly, can you?

 
It has been exactly two years since we broke ground (and wind) on our third album, and now it is DONE. Phew!
 



 
Clicking on the picture above goes directly to itunes, but you might prefer any of the following:

Cdbaby

Amazon
Zune
 
 Ahahah, our music is on Zune. Sorry… We really are pulling out all the stops.
 
This was an endeavor to say the least, we are so happy to have it done, and so excited to get it to you.
 
Right now this is only a digital release, so make sure to pick up a copy of the liner notes off our website – for free of course – what kind of asses would charge for liner notes- that’s like sitting down to a fancy dinner and having to buy a napkin.
 
 


Photo of a big bunny rabbit!

(click picture for an awesome @davidtornado designed .pdf )
 

Please let us know what you think, let us know what you love, what you hate, and what you want to see more of.

   
 

That’s the good news….
   
 
 
What about the great news?!?

 
 
 
 
LAGOON
   
 

No I don’t have a goiter… And that is not great…. What the F is wrong with you?
 
  

The great news is that we have already lined up album #4 which we will start recording in August – So all your feedback we’re going to use to tailor this album, hone it in, draw our sites, hit our mark, nail it on the head… You get it.
 
Also, if you were wondering, we are not going to call the new album Apollo- Nothing against the lord of the sun (dont want to anger him).
 
 
LAGOON
  
 
 
 
 

Heart

 
Some of you might wonder why it’s been so long since I’ve written anything. It’s pretty simple: I wanted to make sure I addressed you when I had something substantial, something meaningful.
 
It’s hard sometimes – the life we have chosen. It has such incredible peaks followed by the lowest of lows (read over the past blogs on this site and you can see for yourself). However, every time we’ve felt we were on the brink, about the lose it all, something comes along and pushes us forward… has to be something to that?
 
Thank you to all our fans that have made this worth it. I hope you know that all our work goes to you, we just want to make you happy, and blast your ear drums with glory.
 

 
 
 
 

BRACKETSUCKOLOGY

   
 
LAGOON
 
   
 
On a completely unrelated note, my March Madness Bracket is so F’ed. Even without playing tonight’s championship game, David has claimed victory:
   
 
LAGOON
 

NO OFFENSE LARRY

www.lagoononline.com

www.twitter.com/lagoonband

www.facebook.com/lagoonband

www.myspace.com/lagoonaz

  • Share/Bookmark

A 24 hour dream – Halloween in Los Angeles

1
Nov
0

A tale.

LAGOON

A dream?

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

www.lagoononline.com

www.twitter.com/lagoonband

www.facebook.com/lagoonband

www.myspace.com/lagoonaz
 

 

Thank you to East West Studio Lagoon Loves you

 

 

LAGOON

  • Share/Bookmark

Lagoon Update: Awesome Bible Passages, Pictures, Hurricane Earl (is a bitch)

1
Sep
0

 
I was going to organize this blog entry into something fun like “5 great things that fluff pillows,” or “25 ways to cook with nail clippings.” However, in the usual fashion I just started writing… What popped out looked like a hot mess rather than an organized hot mess(?).
 
 

DON’T YOU DARE DO IT EARL
 
LAGOON

 
Listen to me Earl, LISTEN TO ME EARL, I have tickets to just ONE Red Sox game and you’re going to piss all over it. Just go out into the ocean and  leave  Massachusetts alone. You can slam the fuck into Nova Scotia all you want. JUST LEAVE BOSTON ALONE ON SEPTEMBER 3RD.
 
 
 

Awesome Bible Passages and their 2010 Editions
  

 
   

II Kings 2:23-24 

 
 
“From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. “Go on up, you baldhead!” they said. “Go on up, you baldhead!” He turned around, looked at them, and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled the forty-two youths.
 
Ok. Biblical times were awesome. Can you imagine how cool it would be to watch two bears maul 42 people? That would make the most amazing episode of “When Animals Attack.” Also, “youth” is a very vague term. Are we talking 5 year olds? Cause that’s not cool. If it’s like 14-20, I’m ok with a bear mauling at that age. Especially since 30 was considered old age. So lets rehash:
 
<5- Not cool for bear mauling
5-14 Avoid bear mauling whenever possible
14-20 Prime bear mauling age
20-30 You could probably do the mauling yourself, but bear involvement is fine
30+ Let nature maul them
 
2010 Version:
 
Elishizzle headed to Bethel. Some gangster kids from the town said “Hey Baldy, Go on up!” “No seriously, Go on up!” He turned around, looked at them, flicked them off and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two endangered bears came out of the woods and mauled the forty-two youths.”
   

Lesson to be learned: Do not F with the Lord or bears will EAT YOU. Also, being bald is ok, you can command wildlife. 
   
 

Genesis 25:30

 
 
He said to Jacob, ‘Let me eat some of that red stuff, because I’m exhausted’
 
My name is Jacob and that red stuff is awesome. It is really good with green drink.
 
2010 Version:
 
‘He said to Jacob, ‘Dude, do you have a 5-hour energy, because I’m having that 2:30 feeling’

 
Lesson to be learned: Red stuff rules and it makes you un-tired and junk.
   
 

Proverbs 27:15-16 

 
 

A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind, or trying to hold something with greased hands.”
 

I wonder what else he’s holding with greased hands (Yuck Yuck). Actually, they had grease back then? Not WD-40, but wow… Grease! I bet that was a new invention. “Dude the lord talks about grease!”
 
2010 Version:
 
A bitchy wife is as annoying as meaningless facebook updates. Stopping her complaints is like trying to turn off the internet, or trying to hold something with WD-40’ed hands.”
 
Lesson to be learned: Don’t marry?
 
 

Ezekiel 23:19-20

 
 
Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emissions were like that of horses.”
 
Best… Book… Ever… Who says emissions? Ahahahhaah. Sounds like I need to get my car checked. Some of these terms need to come back, seriously.
 
2010 Version:
 
She became hot as she remembered how she used to be an interracial porn star. They had big junk, and could pressure wash her driveway
 
Lesson to be learned: Egyptians have huge… uhh… Pyramids.
 
 

And Now Some Boston Pictures

(P.S. these were taken on my phone (HTC droid incredible) using the free app Fx Camera… Get it)
 

LAGOON
 

LAGOON
 

LAGOON
 

LAGOON
 

LAGOON
 

UNTIL NEXT TIME COME VISIT US PLACES HERE NOW

 
www.lagoononline.com
 
www.twitter.com/lagoonband
 
www.facebook.com/lagoonband
 
www.myspace.com/lagoonaz

  • Share/Bookmark

Lagoon Update: Dude Where’s my Van? Maslow’s Hierarchy of Losing Things

11
Aug
0

 
LAGOON
 

(Marisa getting ready to rock)
 
 
 

Show Review!

 
 
On the hierarchy of “losing things” your vehicle tends to be a priority, so you could imagine our amazement when we walked out to corner to find that our extremely large bright red van missing.
 
LAGOON
 
“Hum… I know for a fact I parked the van here,” said Pat.
 

And then it started raining.
 

Marisa had already claimed my umbrella for her hair which was frizzing itself into a knot. The rest of us reached for our phones and madly started googling. I think my first entry was “My can was Towde” (Give me a break, it’s a new phone and I am just learning). Within minutes, we determined the Red Beast was being held at a nearby impound lot.
 

With less than an hour until we had to load in for the show, we were all happy that retrieving our van was relatively easy. Handing over money for something we never wanted done in the first place proved to be more difficult. I remember the stale impound office room, at least one sweaty overweight man judging us, while the other happily rang Pat’s credit card. $$
 
 
LAGOON
 

On our way to get our equipment, I remember staring out the window hoping that this was the last strange thing to happen that night.

 
LAGOON
 

A few seconds later we lightly struck a mail truck (Incriminating picture has been purposefully left off).
 

When we arrived at the Middle East I felt much more at ease. We spent some time enjoying drinks and food in the lobby with some friends. In retrospect, beans, grease, and heavy spices were probably the last thing I should have eaten. I did not know that the stage was going to sweat up like a sauna… I got very few hugs after the show. David got a lot of hugs…

 
LAGOON
 

 
LAGOON
 

The concert went very well. I should have brought up a second bottle of water (or beer?). If one were to judge our performance based on how much bodily fluid we were covered in, I would say we did swimmingly.  Things got even more interesting the second we got off the stage. I had an argument with the booking lady, Pat had an argument with a cab driver, everyone else drank  and slipped away.

 
LAGOON
 

LAGOON
 
 
LAGOON
   
 

No Bodily Harm 

 
Let us for a second return to our previous graph.
 
LAGOON
 

It’s not something we did on purpose, but in the mess of loading out our equipment, recounting the night’s activities, and drinking we lost someone. I mean, full on lost someone. Let me clarify, it’s not that we just “left” someone at the club or at the practice space. We simply lost a human being. They got out of the van when no one was around and just wandered off. It is the exact same feeling you have when you lose a dog, a drunk dog, a large drunk dog, a large really drunk dog that’s actually a person.
 

We managed to scrounge up a couple large Mag-lights and began scouring the neighborhood. I think David’s neighbors thought:
 
 
A. We murdered someone and was burying them in a hole dug from inebriated screams.
B. We had lost our dog, but we were going about retrieving him in a way that would simply scare him more.
C. We were so drunk that we thought flashlights talked to Jesus.
 
 

Now, the most interesting fact is that this person (who shall remain namless) some how slipped passed all our searching, responded to ZERO name calls, ducked under the cover of the night and crawled BACK into the rear of the van. Pat, who was driving, suddenly realized some other human had just flopped down on the cold metal floor. He was now asleep. We had found him.
 

Where he was, what he did, and why he did it shall remain a mystery.
 

As we pulled away, David texted me almost immediately after. Apparently a bat had gotten into his house. If this had anything to do with the fact we covered the True Blood theme song at the show I don’t know. I would like to think it did.
 

****Imagine X-Files Theme****
 

And now for a picture trip through the rest of our weekend.

 
LAGOON
 

 
LAGOON
 

 
LAGOON
 

COME SAY HI ON THINGS

www.lagoononline.com

www.twitter.com/lagoonband

www.facebook.com/lagoonband

www.myspace.com/lagoonaz

  • Share/Bookmark

Lagoon Update: Why is this late? Happy Birthday Patttttty, WHALES

1
Mar
0

Hi friends. I am sorry this is late. It’s a good kind of late… Not the “oh crap time to buy a preggo test” kinda late. If that last comment did not give it away, this blog is intended for adult audiences, or rebels.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATTY

Our wonderful, skillful, and recently tan guitarist @macpattys turned 30 today. Amazing. I am really happy that 30 is the new 20, which makes 20 the new 10 and explains why I act like a 16 year old and my pubic hair has still not filled in. PATCHY.

LAGOON

This weekend the goons went out for a night of drinking (Except for @lagoonmarisa who was living it up in LA with @thehawkshow and rubbing elbows with big wigs and making fart jokes inappropriately) That’s why this update is late. That’s why my head still hurts. That’s why I shaved my mustache? GOULET!

 

Go Speed Racer, go!

Hi. So… You might wonder why the next single hasn’t already come out. Well… This is the exciting… We are literally a few weeks away from having the ENTIRE album recorded. We made up a lot of ground these last few months not playing shows, so the next release of Lagoon music “should” be the full album. Which I know you are all excited for. Which I know you really really really really want. Which I know you can barely contain yourself thinking about. Which I know, personally, makes me happy.

LAGOON

 

To tide you over, since it’s going to make a while to mix/master the new material, I would like to reiterate that our first two albums are free on our website. GO LOVE ON IT.

Also, we had a great show last weekend and it was great seeing everyone! Also, thanks a bunch to The Narrow Channels for having us out. If you haven’t already, be sure to go check out their myspace, love on their music too. I am really excited to hear their new stuff.

How Many Times Does it Take??!!

Here is a bit of truth: I don’t care how much you LOVE a wild animal, one day it will kill you. Why do people think that if they care about an animal enough it will forget that it was designed (genetically) to eviscerate and eat other things?

LAGOON

Yes, I am directly referring to what happened recently when an orca whale killed a trainer at Seaworld. I would like to quote an interview from the Associated Press. This is what Seaword released as the reason the whale bit Dawn Brancheau’s neck.

“Brancheau reportedly had that long ponytail that the whale grabbed onto because she was growing out her hair to donate it to “Locks of Love” for cancer patients.”

Yes, and by the same logic this whale must HATE cancer patients. Fucking cancer loving head-eating whale. It could not possibly be the fact Seaworld has incarcerated an incredibly intelligent vicious SIX TON eating machine in a pool, so your snot nosed ice cream eating little cretin can giggle at it.

Don’t get me wrong, my first stuffed animal (which I still have) is named “Whaley.” I love it. But, NO WILD ANIMAL WAS MEANT FOR HUMAN ENTERTAINMENT

And, to add insult to injury, (as I kept reading through this article APPAULED) I would like to quote Gary Wilson, from Moorpark “wild animal and dipshit training” College in California

“If it was a perfect world we wouldn’t need to have any animals in captivity, but the reality is in order to learn about these animals and to actually ensure their survival in the wild, we need to have them in captivity so we can study them and people can learn to appreciate them,” Wilson said. “If SeaWorld didn’t have dolphins and whales in captivity, there would be many fewer people in the world that even cared about them at all.”

 
It’s called a Zoo motherfucker. Captivity… Fine… Playing games with balls, jumping through hoops, taking commands, giving cute little humans rides on their backy backs, how does that, in anyway, educate people? It just sponsors another generation of people who think that wild animals just love to play with brightly colored objects while being gently caressed by human faces.

It is not your job, Gary, to tend to the dreams of failed oceanography majors by running a school whose ultimate job is to simply delay its own students inevitable mauling. Wild animals do not need training, they need to be left alone. Get it?

Sadly, I am sitting here tending to my so called “domesticated” cat inflicted wounds and I can’t help wonder; Is everyone just insane? This world is perfect already, Gary. It is these abortions of he natural order that are screwing this place up.

LAGOON

And now, this weeks captive human model:

LAGOON FEATURED MODEL: Phoenix Skye

Not only did I grow up near Phoenix, but @macpatty has the Phoenix symbol tattooed on his arm, the band Phoenix is cool, and like a Phoenix I have risen from the ashes to write you blogs. Incredible. Just like these pictures.

LAGOON

LAGOON

You can find more pictures on our facebook

We are going to keep a collection of ALL the models there for your enjoyment; for everyone’s enjoyment.

We will be featuring one model per week until we run out of models… or weeks.

Thanks again to Vanessa Athens @VanessaAthens for putting this together, and to Hansel Tsai for your photography skills.

Check our store for frequently updated merchandise, and if you want the SEAFOAM shirt (a Jessica Frease design) you can get them from Café Press here: Cafe Press

=(

I am sorry if all the cussing, cursing, swearing, swill-talking, sailor-speaking has insulted you in anyway. I bet you like the abuse. In fact, I bet you want more of it. So here it is. WHIPLASH BABY.

www.lagoononline.com

www.twitter.com/lagoonband

www.facebook.com/lagoonband

www.myspace.com/lagoonaz

  • Share/Bookmark

Lagoon Update: Models, Videos, and Turtles oh my!

8
Dec
0

Wowey, it’s been too long! Sorry I have not been writing as much… this whole “HOLY CRAP LIFE IS REALLY POUNDING IT TO YOU” thing is taking its toll on my creativity.

However, we have a lot of band related nuse… nuse? News? There we go.

LAGOON MODEL SHOOT

Sometimes friends of the band go out of their way to do something nice for us. We are lucky to have such an eclectic fan base.

Most recently, my good friend Vanessa Athens (@Vanessaathens) did something amazing… Truly amazing. Not only is she flying through Los Angeles’s ranks as the coolest person alive, but she spent a great deal of time putting together a Lagoon Photo Shoot using some of our Teeshirts and 15 of LA’s finest models. Needless to say, the band was blown away by not only the sheer number of photos (over 600), but also the effort and generosity Vanessa and all the models showed us.

Starting next week as a way to repay their hard work (before we are all sipping fine wine at a red carpet party), we will start featuring the models on all of our social networks. we will be tweeting pictures, and linking the rest to our facebook (www.facebook.com/lagoonband) and our blog, where you can view the entire collection.

So here’s a very special thanks to all of you:

Production Manager: Vanessa Athens www.vanessaathens.com

Photographer: Hansel Tsai www.hanseltsai.com

Angie Abana – Professional Editor & Model

Bahar Barkzi – Model

Bret Ford – Firefighter & Model

Chris Kovacs – Actor/Model

Daniel Conners – Actor/Model

Isaiah Lucas – Model

Juliana Pfeffer – Model

Kevin Sullivan – Professional Diver & Model

Lydia Muijen – Actress/Model

Mariel Gomsrud – www.gomsrudtwins.com/mariel

Melissa Temps – Model

Miranda Hazen – Model

Phoenix Skye – Model

Clinton Brandel – Model

Josh Duhon – Model

Vanessa Athens – Singer/Model/fucking amazing

Here’s a taste:

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

Interested in getting yourself a SEAFOAM teeshirt? Go here =)

Interested in some of our “ONE OF A KIND” shirts, check out the store on our homepage: http://http://www.lagoononline.com/html/store.html

And stay tuned for all the featured model pics!

MARISA IS A TURTLE FREAK

As you know, or if you didn’t know you just don’t pay enough attention to us, Lagoon dedicates a great deal of its energy trying to raise awareness for the mistreatment of animals, well… Creatures in general. Recently, Marisa (@lagoonmarisa) went to Georgia to visit the Sea Turtle Center, which specializes in rehabilitating sick turtles. (www.georgiaseaturtlecenter.org)

Here are some pictures, look at their sweet faces:

LAGOON

LAGOON

LAGOON

If you head over to their website you can learn about some of their patients, my favorite being 2007’s patient of the year named “Griffin”

Griffin was originally stranded off Daytona beach and was taken to the Volusia County Marine Science Center. He is unable to dive and can not eat on his own. After several weeks, the staff there decided that they would like to transfer him here to see if new eyes could help find the mystery problem. We received him, and after some initial xrays found he has a lot of gas in his GI tract, and treated him for a bacterial infection…”

  • Share/Bookmark

Lagoon Update: Whiskey Contest Results (video), Strange Strange Pictures

19
Nov
0

Hi friends!

LAGOON

So after a nice spurt of shows to keep up our performing acumen, and about 200 too many whiskeys , we are taking another brief hiatus to finish the third album. Things are cruising, and after the success of our 4 song USB, we are even MORE excited to get you new material. (We still have some USBs left if you want one: www.lagoononline.com)

UPDATE: Our new single, Heater Rabbit, should be out very soon. We have had some delays getting it to Cdbaby.com (which does our digital distribution) but it will be up on itunes shortly…

Oh and also, the content for the rest of this blog might offend some readers… I tend to do that often… I mean, I offend everyone at least once in my life. Like today I told a friend I was going to take a dump in her mail slot. I said MAIL SLOT. Jeez.

Speaking of Whiskey

For those of you who follow us on twitter, and facebook, you will certainly know that before our last concert we decided to do a Whiskey Drinking Contest between David (@davditornado) and Marisa (@lagoonmarisa)… This proved to be an interesting problem for a few reasons

1.) we all participated in the drinking

2.) we had a show that same night which turned into a sloppy mush fest by the end

3.) Marisa cannot hold her liquor.

Now, we wanted to leave it up to our listeners, readers, Lagoony fans to decide who won the contest. Therefore, we bring you this video.

Who do you think won?!?!?!?

Ok, On to Some Fun

Just because it is an amazing photo, and I believe all the world should see this again-and-again I bring you this:

BestPhotoEver!

Now, I know what you are thinking… Where in the world do I get boots that awesome!!!!  But no… honestly… I have happened across a number of photos that beg the question “What is going on here.” This leads me to my next segment….

What the hell is going on here!?!

#1

ROWS!

At first glance the line of beautiful women might entrance you… then you happen across gigantic plushy vegetables? Uh… what the hell is going on here? And this appears to be in front of a number of extremely high-end stores…

#2

Knitpenis

Now, I am all for a knitted suit. In fact, I have three or four knitted suits, which I wear weekly. But a knitted suit with a sewn on penis? That’s new to me. What purpose does this penis server? Is it there for aesthetic purposes or… perhaps is there another meaning? What the hell is going on here?

#3

Smashface!

This is an interesting product. This is obviously an ad for… well… what? Something that smashes your face into that scary pig nose face you made at your mom when you were a kid. I have no idea… What the hell is going on here? But… anyone of you who can translate the price of these goods mind telling me? I might want to pick one up… or four.

#4

Testicles

This speaks for itself… Well the testicles speak for themselves… this is the best costume ever.

Until next time, here is pat (@lagoonpmac) playing an extended mandolin song with a close-up of his face. Enjoy…

  • Share/Bookmark

Lagoon Update: Touched by a Whangel, Cane Defense Tips

21
Sep
0

(For all the glory make sure to visit http://www.lagoononline.com/)

First of all, I have to take a second and wish @davidtornado well. He cut his finger slicing a bagel. I know what you are thinking “HOLY SHIT BAGELS ARE SO AWESOME,” but now is not the time for such things. His finger is fine, but he unfortunately missed our Lagoon outing to go whale watching =(

Touched by a Whangel

A year ago, when Lagoon set out into the sea of Boston, we took a pledge. We wanted to keep it as a sort of unspoken band “theme,” and gear our creative energy to color our songs.

When we created the song White Heart, and subsequent video, we wanted to help raise awareness for the murdering of whales (for those of you who haven’t seen the video: www.lagoononline.com/html/video.html)

I have to admit I was somewhat mentally removed from the breadth of the concept. It’s hard to grasp what you are doing without seeing the animal behind the song. This weekend I went whale watching, and I found myself in one of the most touching moments of my life.

 @Lagoonpmac, @lagoonmarisa, and ME 

 THREE WHALES

I SEE A WHALE

 
WHALETALE

As I stood at the edge of the boat gazing intently on the sea surface through the light salty spray, I watched blue turn to green, then to white, as the back of an enormous leviathan stretched into the air. I found myself choking back tears. I could not believe how amazing it was.  Here was a creature, 40 feet in length, curious, intelligent, and gorgeous.

Since we released our video our band has gained in popularity, especially with our online community. I feel like it was necessary to remind everyone that Lagoon will always been a band that makes music because we love music, and will always gear our intents to the betterment of life. This does not stop at raising awareness. We are hoping to really make a difference.

The studio version of the song White Heart should be out very soon. We intend on donating a percentage of the profits from that song to both local and national charities.

How to Defend Oneself with a Cane

To show you how personally committed I am to the betterment of mankind, I have put together a self defense guide to help you. Have you ever been traversing a dark alley with your cane when a nefarious figure approaches you and attempts to manhandle you? Well, I have some Cane defense tips that will surely help.

Tip #1

The Killer Crotch Flip

The Killer Crotch Flip

 How to do it:

Wait for your opponent to make his move with his stick/weapon/cane. He will go for your jugular. Bend at the knee like you are praying, then stab your cane into the attackers crotch. Trust upwards with your legs, and flip your opponent by the sheer pressure on his genitals

Why this works?

If you did not know, your crotch is a very sensitive area. Hitting it with a cane will hurt. I do not recommend you try this, just take my word for it. In fact, any pressure by any blunt object in the crotch area is going to result in immense amounts of discomfort.

Tip # 2

The High Attack Stabby Block Stab

The High Attack Stabby Block Stab

 

How to do it:

I know the name of this move is pretty intimidating, but don’t let that fool you. Since you have a cane, I know you have great intelligence or a slight limp. Chances are your opponent, who also has a cane, shares these same weaknesses. First you must parry your opponents cane with your own high up into the air. Then, say something insulting as you move forward, such as “Your Blazer looks like a Sack Coat you scallywag!” With your opponent stunned, choke him and threaten to jam your cane down his throat.

Why This works?

Insults are the greatest way to distract your opponent. Make sure to stay away from insulting a man’s family, or the rage from such an insult might provide him with extra verve.

 

Tip #3

The Bowler Hat Fakey

The Bowler Hat Fakey

How to do it:

 
This is an advanced move and requires superb footwork and deception. With your cane held up high in your right hand, fake like you are going to strike with it. Then shriek loudly like a yak, turn your body the OTHER way, and flail your left hand over the top of your opponents outstretched arm. Hit that prim ass in the face.

Why This works?

It doesnt.

 

Tip #4

The Hook-Leg Deck Shoe Trip
The Hook-Leg Deck Shoe Trip

How to do it:

This is one of the most effective cane defense moves developed by modern science. First, you must have patience. Taunt your opponent by telling him you see urine stains on his knickerbockers. When he lunges with an abnormally long stance to punch you, step across his body and grab his limp arm with your left hand. At this point you will be very close to your opponents face. Whisper something nice so he lowers his left hand. The second you feel like your words are calming him slice your cane with great speed into his leg and trip him to the floor.

Why This Works?

Humans have legs. These legs keep us upright. When you use your cane to pull a leg out from under someone, they will fall. When someone is on the ground they are a far less effective fighter.

Until next time!

Faceybook: www.facebook.com/lagoonband

Follow us or the Llamataur will kill you.

Cheers to you for following us

  • Share/Bookmark