Lagoon – Gemini has Landed! Apollo Program Announced!

4
Apr
0

 
 
 

Fin.

 

 
 
Can you believe it? No, honestly, can you?

 
It has been exactly two years since we broke ground (and wind) on our third album, and now it is DONE. Phew!
 



 
Clicking on the picture above goes directly to itunes, but you might prefer any of the following:

Cdbaby

Amazon
Zune
 
 Ahahah, our music is on Zune. Sorry… We really are pulling out all the stops.
 
This was an endeavor to say the least, we are so happy to have it done, and so excited to get it to you.
 
Right now this is only a digital release, so make sure to pick up a copy of the liner notes off our website – for free of course – what kind of asses would charge for liner notes- that’s like sitting down to a fancy dinner and having to buy a napkin.
 
 


Photo of a big bunny rabbit!

(click picture for an awesome @davidtornado designed .pdf )
 

Please let us know what you think, let us know what you love, what you hate, and what you want to see more of.

   
 

That’s the good news….
   
 
 
What about the great news?!?

 
 
 
 
LAGOON
   
 

No I don’t have a goiter… And that is not great…. What the F is wrong with you?
 
  

The great news is that we have already lined up album #4 which we will start recording in August – So all your feedback we’re going to use to tailor this album, hone it in, draw our sites, hit our mark, nail it on the head… You get it.
 
Also, if you were wondering, we are not going to call the new album Apollo- Nothing against the lord of the sun (dont want to anger him).
 
 
LAGOON
  
 
 
 
 

Heart

 
Some of you might wonder why it’s been so long since I’ve written anything. It’s pretty simple: I wanted to make sure I addressed you when I had something substantial, something meaningful.
 
It’s hard sometimes – the life we have chosen. It has such incredible peaks followed by the lowest of lows (read over the past blogs on this site and you can see for yourself). However, every time we’ve felt we were on the brink, about the lose it all, something comes along and pushes us forward… has to be something to that?
 
Thank you to all our fans that have made this worth it. I hope you know that all our work goes to you, we just want to make you happy, and blast your ear drums with glory.
 

 
 
 
 

BRACKETSUCKOLOGY

   
 
LAGOON
 
   
 
On a completely unrelated note, my March Madness Bracket is so F’ed. Even without playing tonight’s championship game, David has claimed victory:
   
 
LAGOON
 

NO OFFENSE LARRY

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A 24 hour dream – Halloween in Los Angeles

1
Nov
0

A tale.

LAGOON

A dream?

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www.lagoononline.com

www.twitter.com/lagoonband

www.facebook.com/lagoonband

www.myspace.com/lagoonaz
 

 

Thank you to East West Studio Lagoon Loves you

 

 

LAGOON

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Lagoon Update: Show-Review/Preview, 5 Worst State Slogans

29
Sep
0

Hey Kiddies… Shall we?

 
OLD SHOW / NEW SHOW!
 

Hi friends. First of all, thank you to everyone who came out to the great Butterknife-Lagoon Extravaganza 2010. We had a blast, and we hope to be rocking with Butterknife again soon!!
 
Show Highlights:
 
 
Butterknife’s drummer made my ears bleed.
 
I never thought I would ever hear anyone play the drums louder than @lagoonmarisa… Well… I think she has met her match.

- 5 hearing
+5 Amazing
 

Because Kieran has an amazing beard
 
It is amazing.
 

That one random thing that happened…
 
After the show, while Marisa and Pat were fighting with the venue trying to get paid (literally almost fighting), I decided to duck out the back and go find our gigantic red love machine. So… I go walking and I finally spot the whale of a van in the corner of a ‘pay to park’ lot. It’s dark, probably about 1am, I’m not scared or anything but I readied my ninja senses and walked briskly. I opened the door. Hopped in. Put the keys in the ignition, and simultaneously turned on the lights…
 
Suddenly, I notice a young man urinating on the fence directly in front of the van (ass to bumper).  The burst of light and loud engine noise startled him horribly, and I could see the glisten of errant spray even through the windsheild. He quickly twisted his head left to right, trying to see whether or not he was getting attacked. In a few moments he decided to make a break for it and  run partly hunched over to the edge of the fence…. Meanwhile, I just laughed hysterically.
 
 
Here are some photos…. of the show… you sicko:
 
 
David

 
 
Pat

 
Marisa
 
 
Ok, looking forward:
 
We have some stuff in the pipe. And I’m NOT talking about the fact you, or anyone else, has to poop; Different pipe. This is the kinda pipe that music flows out of. One could argue that tooting is music, but… ok you get the point.
 
Lets start with the poster by @davidtornado

 
LAGOON

  
This is going to be a FREE social media event sponsored by www.futurem.org and before we play our set I’ll be giving a little talk. I am totally used to this kind of stuff. I typically get up and share my feelings at meetings all the time. You know… the kind of meetings for degenerate sex addicts like myself.  But, to be serious (for once), this should be an awesome event. We are playing downstairs, all ages, free show. It’s going to be all about music, social media, and the progression of it all.
 
 
“Hi my name is Larry and I have a tiny…”
 

(remember you can download any of David’s posters in wallpaper, iphone wallpaper, and .pdf form on the homepage: www.lagoononline.com)

 
5 Worst State Slogans
 

 
So, a little backstory: The next day after the show David thought it would be a good idea to head on down to Newport to catch the final Polo match of the season. I decided to tag along, and it turned out to be a glorious afternoon (pictures after this  section). So, it might seem totally unrelated to the headline, but upon crossing state lines into “The Ocean state” I became curious… curious about states…  So, on a whim I pulled up some information on my sweetass new smarthphone and… lets just say I was amazed.
 
#5 Utah
 
Slogan: “This is still the right place.”
 
Religious jokes aside, Utah is still the right place for what? The right place to live? The right place to visit? The right place to tickle? Something is not just intrinsically right. Ugh. It’s almost as bad as what they have on their license plates: “Life Elevated.” Is that a pun or did my brain just die.
 
#4 Rhode Island
 
Slogan: “We’re not really an Island.”
 
It’s sad that I’m not kidding.
 
#3 New York
 
Slogan: “I love New York”
 
That’s great, what about the rest of us. Doesn’t this seem a little pretentious? I suggest you change it to “You know, you might love New York too if we weren’t so loud.”
 
#2 Oklahoma
 
Slogan: “Oklahom is OK”
 
Oh I get. It’s funny because it’s true! Hahaha. You know, that’s so funny.
 

#1 Nevada
 
Slogan: “It’s Wide Open.”
 
It sure is. It sure is.
 
 
Honorable Mentions:
 
Texas
 
Slogan: “It’s like a Whole Other Country”
 
My Version: “It Should be a Whole Other Country.”

 
Pennsylvania
 
Slogan: “You’ve got a friend in Pennsylvania”
 
I fucking doubt it.
 
 
 
And now some polo match photos:
 
LAGOON
 
LAGOON
 
LAGOON
 
LAGOON
 

NO OFFENSE LARRY

www.lagoononline.com

www.twitter.com/lagoonband

www.facebook.com/lagoonband

www.myspace.com/lagoonaz
 
 
A final, but potent quote:
 
Me:  I guess money cant buy you love?
 Tristan:  maybe he didn’t have enough

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Lagoon Update: Awesome Bible Passages, Pictures, Hurricane Earl (is a bitch)

1
Sep
0

 
I was going to organize this blog entry into something fun like “5 great things that fluff pillows,” or “25 ways to cook with nail clippings.” However, in the usual fashion I just started writing… What popped out looked like a hot mess rather than an organized hot mess(?).
 
 

DON’T YOU DARE DO IT EARL
 
LAGOON

 
Listen to me Earl, LISTEN TO ME EARL, I have tickets to just ONE Red Sox game and you’re going to piss all over it. Just go out into the ocean and  leave  Massachusetts alone. You can slam the fuck into Nova Scotia all you want. JUST LEAVE BOSTON ALONE ON SEPTEMBER 3RD.
 
 
 

Awesome Bible Passages and their 2010 Editions
  

 
   

II Kings 2:23-24 

 
 
“From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. “Go on up, you baldhead!” they said. “Go on up, you baldhead!” He turned around, looked at them, and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled the forty-two youths.
 
Ok. Biblical times were awesome. Can you imagine how cool it would be to watch two bears maul 42 people? That would make the most amazing episode of “When Animals Attack.” Also, “youth” is a very vague term. Are we talking 5 year olds? Cause that’s not cool. If it’s like 14-20, I’m ok with a bear mauling at that age. Especially since 30 was considered old age. So lets rehash:
 
<5- Not cool for bear mauling
5-14 Avoid bear mauling whenever possible
14-20 Prime bear mauling age
20-30 You could probably do the mauling yourself, but bear involvement is fine
30+ Let nature maul them
 
2010 Version:
 
Elishizzle headed to Bethel. Some gangster kids from the town said “Hey Baldy, Go on up!” “No seriously, Go on up!” He turned around, looked at them, flicked them off and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two endangered bears came out of the woods and mauled the forty-two youths.”
   

Lesson to be learned: Do not F with the Lord or bears will EAT YOU. Also, being bald is ok, you can command wildlife. 
   
 

Genesis 25:30

 
 
He said to Jacob, ‘Let me eat some of that red stuff, because I’m exhausted’
 
My name is Jacob and that red stuff is awesome. It is really good with green drink.
 
2010 Version:
 
‘He said to Jacob, ‘Dude, do you have a 5-hour energy, because I’m having that 2:30 feeling’

 
Lesson to be learned: Red stuff rules and it makes you un-tired and junk.
   
 

Proverbs 27:15-16 

 
 

A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind, or trying to hold something with greased hands.”
 

I wonder what else he’s holding with greased hands (Yuck Yuck). Actually, they had grease back then? Not WD-40, but wow… Grease! I bet that was a new invention. “Dude the lord talks about grease!”
 
2010 Version:
 
A bitchy wife is as annoying as meaningless facebook updates. Stopping her complaints is like trying to turn off the internet, or trying to hold something with WD-40’ed hands.”
 
Lesson to be learned: Don’t marry?
 
 

Ezekiel 23:19-20

 
 
Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emissions were like that of horses.”
 
Best… Book… Ever… Who says emissions? Ahahahhaah. Sounds like I need to get my car checked. Some of these terms need to come back, seriously.
 
2010 Version:
 
She became hot as she remembered how she used to be an interracial porn star. They had big junk, and could pressure wash her driveway
 
Lesson to be learned: Egyptians have huge… uhh… Pyramids.
 
 

And Now Some Boston Pictures

(P.S. these were taken on my phone (HTC droid incredible) using the free app Fx Camera… Get it)
 

LAGOON
 

LAGOON
 

LAGOON
 

LAGOON
 

LAGOON
 

UNTIL NEXT TIME COME VISIT US PLACES HERE NOW

 
www.lagoononline.com
 
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www.facebook.com/lagoonband
 
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Lagoon Update: I’M A NINNY, Sizzle… Burn… Pop.

7
May
0

 
I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedily dee
 
 Now that I have you singing, perhaps we could get started…. Unless you want to keep singing like a retard.
 
 

 So whats new!?

 
Since you can’t talk back to me I’ll just tell you what’s new with me. I love this form of communication. I get to brag and tell you stuff and you just listen. Ahahahaha. Wow. That was mean. I’m sorry… But no, I got some serious stuff to talk about.
 

It feels like right now is a great time to reflect on life. I know I have been. David and his wife moved out of the band house. Me, Pat, and Marisa are moving down town. This little period of transition has allowed us all to take a break from our craft. We are all still very motivated, but I think we needed this; a small respite to recharge our batteries.
 

Sometimes I wish that my life were different, that perhaps I found pleasure in something else besides music. There is inherent frustration with loving something, an activity, a craft that is so purely based on luck. It is draining. Sometimes I feel like I am taking my energy and just tossing it into this endless abyss (an analogy from Deuce Bigalo comes to mind about a toothpick in a volcano… I’ll leave it at that).
 

Those feelings are normally fleeting. I then recall the gratification of it all personally, and to be honest, I should not base my merits (especially in music) upon the opinion of others or its popularity. I know in my heart everything will work out as it should. Just got to push a little everyday. Also, I am reminded of you guys, the people reading this, that have made this journey thus far so worth it. And thank you for all your help, and support. I say that a lot, but it means so much to us. You have been with us through everything, even before I was in the band… So Holy Shit… maybe I should end the pity party before I make a mistake.
 
LAGOON
 

No, I said Mistake.
 
 

So, things with the band are actually going quite well. Marisa right now is promoting in LA with our good friend TheHawk: pushing the Lagoon Gospel.
 
The album is coming along. The move really took a toll on this timetable but we are working through it as fast as we can. Really only about 3 parts left until the entire album is done recording, then off to LA to get loved on.
 
So life is good. Very Good. 
 
Except.
 

This scared the shit out of me.

  

So, anyone who follows the stock market knows that yesterday (Thursday 05-06-10) the stock market randomly fell 1000 points in the middle of the day. That is really scary. So… To be honest, when I saw that plunge I figured something was wrong. They have had technical glitches with the market before (it is a system, systems have glitches).  What is really frightening is that they believe one person put a “B” for billions instead of an “M” for millions…. Ok you are telling me that ONE missed keystroke tore down the US stock exchange? Holy shit.  Can you imagine what it was like to be that guy?
 
*wavy imagine lines*
 
 
La la la, I work for a large firm, la la la.

I’m going to be a trade.

I think I want to sell 10 million shares.
 
*casual typing*
 
I am so happy to be a trader.

La la la.

Wait… Something is wrong.
 
HOLY SHIT I PUT BILLION INSTEAD OF MILLION

OMG WHAT AM I GOING TO DO

OMG THAT TRIGGERED LIKE 10000 STOP LOSSES ON VARIOUS COMPUTERS

OMG THE STOCK MARKET IS CRASHING
 
OMG… I’m going to lose my job…. OMG…. PEOPLE ARE GOING TO STARVE… OMG… Think of the puppies… THINK OF THE PUPPIES I’M KILLING. OMG… OMG…
 
* pane of glass crashes*

*body tumbles 50 stories*
 
 
Now in reading that you might wonder a few things…. Probably how stocks effect puppies. I know I wondered the same thing, and there is really no correlation but whenever something goes bad I imagine something is smashing puppies. Usually it’s a robot smashing puppies.
 
Ok, back to real life. So the one human keystroke error is bad, but the real problem is the fact that computers handle a majority of our stock trades. These computers are programmed in very black and white manners. IE: if a stock goes below a certain number, then sell X amount of shares. So, that puppy killing retard trader might have put in a “B” instead of an “M” but the real problem is that 50,000 computers executed automatic trades in a split second…. CRASH GOES THE MARKET. *shivers*
  
 
 
I’ve actually been kinda sad since we ran out of models before weeks. Sad days. Very sad days. Ok not that sad. COME PLAY WITH US.
 

www.lagoononline.com
 

www.twitter.com/lagoonband
 

www.facebook.com/lagoonband
 

www.myspace.com/lagoonaz

LAGOON

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Lagoon Update: Why is this late? Happy Birthday Patttttty, WHALES

1
Mar
0

Hi friends. I am sorry this is late. It’s a good kind of late… Not the “oh crap time to buy a preggo test” kinda late. If that last comment did not give it away, this blog is intended for adult audiences, or rebels.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATTY

Our wonderful, skillful, and recently tan guitarist @macpattys turned 30 today. Amazing. I am really happy that 30 is the new 20, which makes 20 the new 10 and explains why I act like a 16 year old and my pubic hair has still not filled in. PATCHY.

LAGOON

This weekend the goons went out for a night of drinking (Except for @lagoonmarisa who was living it up in LA with @thehawkshow and rubbing elbows with big wigs and making fart jokes inappropriately) That’s why this update is late. That’s why my head still hurts. That’s why I shaved my mustache? GOULET!

 

Go Speed Racer, go!

Hi. So… You might wonder why the next single hasn’t already come out. Well… This is the exciting… We are literally a few weeks away from having the ENTIRE album recorded. We made up a lot of ground these last few months not playing shows, so the next release of Lagoon music “should” be the full album. Which I know you are all excited for. Which I know you really really really really want. Which I know you can barely contain yourself thinking about. Which I know, personally, makes me happy.

LAGOON

 

To tide you over, since it’s going to make a while to mix/master the new material, I would like to reiterate that our first two albums are free on our website. GO LOVE ON IT.

Also, we had a great show last weekend and it was great seeing everyone! Also, thanks a bunch to The Narrow Channels for having us out. If you haven’t already, be sure to go check out their myspace, love on their music too. I am really excited to hear their new stuff.

How Many Times Does it Take??!!

Here is a bit of truth: I don’t care how much you LOVE a wild animal, one day it will kill you. Why do people think that if they care about an animal enough it will forget that it was designed (genetically) to eviscerate and eat other things?

LAGOON

Yes, I am directly referring to what happened recently when an orca whale killed a trainer at Seaworld. I would like to quote an interview from the Associated Press. This is what Seaword released as the reason the whale bit Dawn Brancheau’s neck.

“Brancheau reportedly had that long ponytail that the whale grabbed onto because she was growing out her hair to donate it to “Locks of Love” for cancer patients.”

Yes, and by the same logic this whale must HATE cancer patients. Fucking cancer loving head-eating whale. It could not possibly be the fact Seaworld has incarcerated an incredibly intelligent vicious SIX TON eating machine in a pool, so your snot nosed ice cream eating little cretin can giggle at it.

Don’t get me wrong, my first stuffed animal (which I still have) is named “Whaley.” I love it. But, NO WILD ANIMAL WAS MEANT FOR HUMAN ENTERTAINMENT

And, to add insult to injury, (as I kept reading through this article APPAULED) I would like to quote Gary Wilson, from Moorpark “wild animal and dipshit training” College in California

“If it was a perfect world we wouldn’t need to have any animals in captivity, but the reality is in order to learn about these animals and to actually ensure their survival in the wild, we need to have them in captivity so we can study them and people can learn to appreciate them,” Wilson said. “If SeaWorld didn’t have dolphins and whales in captivity, there would be many fewer people in the world that even cared about them at all.”

 
It’s called a Zoo motherfucker. Captivity… Fine… Playing games with balls, jumping through hoops, taking commands, giving cute little humans rides on their backy backs, how does that, in anyway, educate people? It just sponsors another generation of people who think that wild animals just love to play with brightly colored objects while being gently caressed by human faces.

It is not your job, Gary, to tend to the dreams of failed oceanography majors by running a school whose ultimate job is to simply delay its own students inevitable mauling. Wild animals do not need training, they need to be left alone. Get it?

Sadly, I am sitting here tending to my so called “domesticated” cat inflicted wounds and I can’t help wonder; Is everyone just insane? This world is perfect already, Gary. It is these abortions of he natural order that are screwing this place up.

LAGOON

And now, this weeks captive human model:

LAGOON FEATURED MODEL: Phoenix Skye

Not only did I grow up near Phoenix, but @macpatty has the Phoenix symbol tattooed on his arm, the band Phoenix is cool, and like a Phoenix I have risen from the ashes to write you blogs. Incredible. Just like these pictures.

LAGOON

LAGOON

You can find more pictures on our facebook

We are going to keep a collection of ALL the models there for your enjoyment; for everyone’s enjoyment.

We will be featuring one model per week until we run out of models… or weeks.

Thanks again to Vanessa Athens @VanessaAthens for putting this together, and to Hansel Tsai for your photography skills.

Check our store for frequently updated merchandise, and if you want the SEAFOAM shirt (a Jessica Frease design) you can get them from Café Press here: Cafe Press

=(

I am sorry if all the cussing, cursing, swearing, swill-talking, sailor-speaking has insulted you in anyway. I bet you like the abuse. In fact, I bet you want more of it. So here it is. WHIPLASH BABY.

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Lagoon Update: Touched by a Whangel, Cane Defense Tips

21
Sep
0

(For all the glory make sure to visit http://www.lagoononline.com/)

First of all, I have to take a second and wish @davidtornado well. He cut his finger slicing a bagel. I know what you are thinking “HOLY SHIT BAGELS ARE SO AWESOME,” but now is not the time for such things. His finger is fine, but he unfortunately missed our Lagoon outing to go whale watching =(

Touched by a Whangel

A year ago, when Lagoon set out into the sea of Boston, we took a pledge. We wanted to keep it as a sort of unspoken band “theme,” and gear our creative energy to color our songs.

When we created the song White Heart, and subsequent video, we wanted to help raise awareness for the murdering of whales (for those of you who haven’t seen the video: www.lagoononline.com/html/video.html)

I have to admit I was somewhat mentally removed from the breadth of the concept. It’s hard to grasp what you are doing without seeing the animal behind the song. This weekend I went whale watching, and I found myself in one of the most touching moments of my life.

 @Lagoonpmac, @lagoonmarisa, and ME 

 THREE WHALES

I SEE A WHALE

 
WHALETALE

As I stood at the edge of the boat gazing intently on the sea surface through the light salty spray, I watched blue turn to green, then to white, as the back of an enormous leviathan stretched into the air. I found myself choking back tears. I could not believe how amazing it was.  Here was a creature, 40 feet in length, curious, intelligent, and gorgeous.

Since we released our video our band has gained in popularity, especially with our online community. I feel like it was necessary to remind everyone that Lagoon will always been a band that makes music because we love music, and will always gear our intents to the betterment of life. This does not stop at raising awareness. We are hoping to really make a difference.

The studio version of the song White Heart should be out very soon. We intend on donating a percentage of the profits from that song to both local and national charities.

How to Defend Oneself with a Cane

To show you how personally committed I am to the betterment of mankind, I have put together a self defense guide to help you. Have you ever been traversing a dark alley with your cane when a nefarious figure approaches you and attempts to manhandle you? Well, I have some Cane defense tips that will surely help.

Tip #1

The Killer Crotch Flip

The Killer Crotch Flip

 How to do it:

Wait for your opponent to make his move with his stick/weapon/cane. He will go for your jugular. Bend at the knee like you are praying, then stab your cane into the attackers crotch. Trust upwards with your legs, and flip your opponent by the sheer pressure on his genitals

Why this works?

If you did not know, your crotch is a very sensitive area. Hitting it with a cane will hurt. I do not recommend you try this, just take my word for it. In fact, any pressure by any blunt object in the crotch area is going to result in immense amounts of discomfort.

Tip # 2

The High Attack Stabby Block Stab

The High Attack Stabby Block Stab

 

How to do it:

I know the name of this move is pretty intimidating, but don’t let that fool you. Since you have a cane, I know you have great intelligence or a slight limp. Chances are your opponent, who also has a cane, shares these same weaknesses. First you must parry your opponents cane with your own high up into the air. Then, say something insulting as you move forward, such as “Your Blazer looks like a Sack Coat you scallywag!” With your opponent stunned, choke him and threaten to jam your cane down his throat.

Why This works?

Insults are the greatest way to distract your opponent. Make sure to stay away from insulting a man’s family, or the rage from such an insult might provide him with extra verve.

 

Tip #3

The Bowler Hat Fakey

The Bowler Hat Fakey

How to do it:

 
This is an advanced move and requires superb footwork and deception. With your cane held up high in your right hand, fake like you are going to strike with it. Then shriek loudly like a yak, turn your body the OTHER way, and flail your left hand over the top of your opponents outstretched arm. Hit that prim ass in the face.

Why This works?

It doesnt.

 

Tip #4

The Hook-Leg Deck Shoe Trip
The Hook-Leg Deck Shoe Trip

How to do it:

This is one of the most effective cane defense moves developed by modern science. First, you must have patience. Taunt your opponent by telling him you see urine stains on his knickerbockers. When he lunges with an abnormally long stance to punch you, step across his body and grab his limp arm with your left hand. At this point you will be very close to your opponents face. Whisper something nice so he lowers his left hand. The second you feel like your words are calming him slice your cane with great speed into his leg and trip him to the floor.

Why This Works?

Humans have legs. These legs keep us upright. When you use your cane to pull a leg out from under someone, they will fall. When someone is on the ground they are a far less effective fighter.

Until next time!

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Follow us or the Llamataur will kill you.

Cheers to you for following us

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